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How can I save my marriage?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Brother I need your help if possible can you give me some Quranic verse and hadees where Allah subhan wa tala and rasool allah SWS given permission and advice to Muslim men to marry more than one wife and also warning to women’s who are asking khula from her husband without any strong Shariah reason. It will be helpful to me to convey if quotes will be in urdu or hindi with reference numbers in Quran and hadees.  

I know personally the wife love his husband very much and she is doing this all thing just because lack of knowledge about Islam and wrong teaching of her mother and her aunty and also some money minded Ulama e Su ( false scholar of Islam given her wrong information about Shariya that if the husband want to have second wife he must have to get permission from first wife and now she is arguing on it only ) and the boy and girl can talk and walk, surround  with each other if they are committed to get married even if girl is married but her husband not giving her khula

Brother what about in following conditions.  The husband and wife loved each other very much during two years of their marriage but suddenly wife started abusing husband and torturing him in the influence of her mother. And insulated him and his mother and other family members in very bad manner in public and relatives. And since they married always her mother given wrong teaching to not obeying husband even whenever he ask her to come with him to his home during they were together she made drama, its all in influence of her mother. Even that husband went to take her after ten months as he worked in abroad and his daughter was one month old but wife’s refused to come with him and husband by doing too much drama along with her mother and aunty. The husband have very good relation with his wifes almost all the relatives but the problem is his wife’s mother don’t lesson anyone and she is syco and these relatives only suggested him to get second wife and also  he had some surgery in his annal due to pills and he was not able to sit and walk for one month and in the same condition he went there and even begged his wife to come with him but she didn’t came. He didn’t like his father giving him dressing and seeing his private part in this age so he got married with one piuse religious divorced girl. And after that only his  first wife started to asking for khula but reason for khula is wrong teaching of her parental aunty as she is fahisha bitch women who support and encourage girls and boys who are in haraam relationship like love before marriage and gives space in her home to meet and do haraam things in her house, like in the movies some women does . and this girl also had some love affairs with her cousin before marriage and her aunty brought back the same man into her life by giving some bribery as he is student and lusty person and don’t want to have any halaal relationship with her but just wanted to use this girl for his lust and for the time period.

But the husband is very much concerned about his wife’s akhirat as she is orphan and lost her father when she was 6 year old and this was the one of  reason he married her and due to she didn’t had father she didn’t got  manners and good teaching and  also his main concern about his daughter as she is not allowing anyone to meet with her from his husbands family and not ready to give her to husband. He scared if he will leave his daughter with his wife she will make her even same like she is. And also she is in haraam relationship and don’t feel bad about it and don’t have fear of Allah subhan wa tala.

Brother please advise what this husband have to do as he don’t want to disobedient to his Rab and do things against prophets SWS teaching and have more fear about akhirah, if his wife or his daughter will come and hold him for not stopping his wife from doing wrong and not taking his daughter forcefully to give her best Islamic education and teaching on day of akhirah.

Allah knows the best and he is sufficient to solving his all matters and he have trust in taqdeer and Allah’s mercy. Just tell me can he refuse to give khula as his wife don’t have any Islamic correct and strong enough reason to ask khula only she is planning to make some wrong criminal offence against him in Indian court. And also he believe that if she will spent some month with him she will relisted her mistake by seeing his love and care and he will try give some Islamic teaching and In sha Allah she will get hidaya.

And one more thing Alhumdulilah he is enough capable to give equal justice to his both wife and want to give separate home to both of them and he have full support of his second wife as she is very religious women.

And he the insult and drama what happened when he went to bring first wife was the worst thing to lesson and never ever he seen that in his whole life. And suggestion of getting second wife was from one of the relative of his first wife as she was in touch with the person to whom she have love affairs from last six months when the husband went to work in abroad and relative also informed him if you will ask or force to take your daughter with you she will not give her to you and she will kill your daughter as she was doing the things which are making his daughter die in slow, something like slow poisoning and if you will not show any care and concerns about your daughter she will give her to you but this person couldn’t controlled his love and care for his daughter for more than a month and ask her wife to come back to him or give his daughter and she started to play games by using this kid.

The husband already used Islamic way through darul kaza to solving this matter but wife said she doesn’t have any Believe in this kind of Islamic courts and she will challenge him in criminal courts with wrong offence if he will not give khula to her. And also husband send money to her account for taking care of all expenses from last one year and calling her every day but some time she was talking with him and sometime not and many time her mother picked phone and abused him in very bad manner like as following.

  1. your mother and father get you a wife as a keep (Mistress ) and you used and through her. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  2. you have very evil eyes and you wanted to have Zina with her second daughter mean his sister in low. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  3. You are gay and cannot pleased you wife. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  4. You have Mistress in all places wherever you lived like Mumbai, Solapur, Naldurg, Kuwait, Qatar, and even you also don’t know how many Waladul Zina you have from all these places. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  5. Your mother used to make your sister do Zina with you and even your mother was full filling you sexual desire by doing  zina with you. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  6. Whenever he asked about his daughter her wife’s mother said who said she is your daughter, ask your mother and father she is Waladul Zina ( Daughter of her wife’s boyfriend who used to come to her his home when he was not in home. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  7. You have very evil eyes even you have desire to do Zina with your this daughter as she is very petty and you got lusted when you sow her photos. (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )
  8. ETC. there are many things and abuses which his wife’s mother put on him but he didn’t used any signal bad world, just tell me how can he allow his daughter to be get nourish and brought up in this kind of atmosphere and in this kind of teaching and in the hand of this kind of women( his wife’s mother ) there are some claimed from their relative that she is the one who killed her husband by doing back magic and also she did some back magic on her daughter as well to separate her from him (astaghfirullah min naudzubillah )

 

The husband feel that his daughter was not attempted to killed by his wife because his parents threaten to his wife and her mother that if anything will happen to this child they file complaints against them in police station but he bear witness that Allah is sustainer to give death and life and also about affairs of his wife he don’t have fully trust on  Authenticity  who are giving all the information time to time about his wife.

Brother please suggest me what to do.

Also one more thing husband tried too much to get passport for his wife as he wanted her to be with him where he work but due to our Indian system where getting passport for Muslims is became very difficult she didn’t got passport on time and also got pregnant and asked by doctor take bed rest from 6th month of pregnancy and after delivery he went there to take her his home.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.  

Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh

We take note of the acrimony between you and your first wife. 

There seem to be multiple issues in your problem with your first wife:

  •  Taking a second wife.
  •  Your mother in law’s attitude and influence.
  •  Living apart.
  •  Your child from the first marriage. 

Your attitude in trying to reconcile with her is correct. This will also be in the interest of your daughter. Identify someone who has influence on her and her mother to intervene and address the issues. 

If you have exhausted all possible means to save the marriage and it fails, there is nothing more you could do. In that situation follow the Quranic injunction;     تسريح باحسان[Baqarah, Ayat: 229] (separate amicably). You may issue her a divorce or accept her offer of khula.

It is important to secure visitation rights to your daughter and fulfill your obligation to maintain her.  

Do what Shariah advises you to do and leave the rest in the hands of Allah. Insha Allah by abiding to Shariah, there will be barakah in the issue. 

We make dua Allah grant you courage to overcome the challenges with ease. Aameen.

And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best

 Jibran Kadarkhan

Student Dārul Iftā

Mauritius

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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