My husband’s parents treat me like dirt. This has been going on for 7 years. I don’t speak to or visit them anymore. Can i stop my children from seeing them?

Jazakillah khair for writing to the institute. Why do you say that your in laws treat you like dirt? All of us are Allah Ta’ala’s creation and none of us are without faults and shortcomings.

It is however important for all of us to take a good look at our own shortcomings rather than to focus and highlights the faults of others. Yes, this is a common human failing but we should work hard to hide the faults of others and to strive to discard our bad habits and develop a pious character. We should also remember that it is very important to forgive others for the hurt they cause us as we are indeed in need of Allah Ta’ala’s forgiveness all the time.

If someone constantly hurts you, it may be necessary to limit contact with the person/s for a while (e.g.. greet, ask about health) until problems are addressed and sorted out. One should not cut off relationships, especially with family members. Breaking off relations with kin is a grave error and will earn the displeasure of Allah Ta’ala.

You ask if you should stop your children from visiting their grandparents. What will you achieve if you stop your children from seeing their grandparents? As I see it, children need the love, nurture and comfort of their grandparents. Grandparents bring as much joy to their grandchildren as grandchildren bring joy to their grandparents. Although parents may see the “extra” love showered on grandchildren as “spoiling” the children, it is this very love which helps young ones through the journey of life. Most grandchildren look to their historical backgrounds through their grandparents whose wisdom and experiences of life are valuable in helping children to find their roots in society. You are having problems with your in laws.

Do not use your children as “political footballs”. Adults should by all means avoid involving the young ones in their battles. It can scar the children emotionally and spiritually. Parents are after all their children’s role models and they want their children to grow up as practicing Muslims.

This is your chance to teach your children that even though relatives may treat you badly, you are prepared to forgive them and maintain family ties and relationships to earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure.

May Allah Ta’ala sow the seeds of love, understanding, tolerance and kindness in your heart and into the heart of all your family members so that you all can earn Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure. Ameen. Please write again if you wish to do so.

And Allah Ta’ala knows best.

Wassalaam

Sister Fadila
Social dept.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai