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Problems with mother in law

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalam alaikum,

I am married for one year and I am seven months pregnant now, I and my husband live in Dubai as he works in Dubai, my mother in law lives in India and my father in law is no more. I have one sister in law who is widow and has a eight year old son and lives in India nearby my mother in law’s house and does not want to live with her mother as they face some problem with each other.

My husband came on one month vacation for our marriage, and told that he will be taking me to Dubai after six months since there were some financial issues and my passport was under process.

My husband is very much attached to his family, during the one month stay after marriage he was so busy with his family work like shifting his sister from her village to our native place so that she can be with us, and admission of her son in this city he was always busy and even I understood that he is the only man in the house and there will be responsibilities on him so I never complained to him about this. We never went for outing so that we can spend some time with each other. But when my parents thought of taking me home for one day as I dint go to my mothers house to stay after marriage , my mother in law told that as my son is here for only one month she cant send me to my mothers house for even one day, but after that my husband went for shifting my sister in law and stayed for one day and one night away from me and I stayed with my mother in law. 

After one month my husband went to Dubai, I, my mother in law and my sister in law stayed together and my mother in law gave permission to visit my mothers house once in a week.  After some time I was facing some problem in that house and I said my husband that I cant stay here and you please let me permission to live in my mothers house and I will be staying in both the houses for some days. But he refused as his mother would have never agreed to that, but he told that he will take me and my mother in law to dubai as soon as possible and after four months he took us to dubai. 

There I got settled and I was doing all my responsibilities but I was maintaining some distance with my mother in law, because whenever I used to sit with her and chat she used to taunt me. This was irritating her and this created a tiff between three of us. After three months she went to india as she dint get resident visa.

Now I am seven months pregnant and came to India and stayed for ten days in my mother in laws house and I requested my husband that I will stay in my mother house as everyone goes to their mothers house in seventh month, he agreed and I told I will be visiting her and I will stay with her for some days in between. But my mother in law dint agree she told she will send me to my mothers house in ninth month, but I cant stay till ninth month so I told my husband that I will not stay. This created a tiff between me and my husband and I feel that things are not ok. My husband always tells me to adjust, even after so much of adjustment, and I treated his sister like my sister, his nephew as my own son and his mother as my own mother and  he tells me to adjust.  He never complains me about anything but as soon as his mother tells him some thing he tells me to adjust according to that. 

My parents have only two daughters, me and my elder sister, my sister will take care of them for whole year and when I visit india even I have responsibilities towards my parents.  But that does not mean I am not fulfilling my responsibilities towards my inlaws, even my husband tell that I have fulfilled my responsibilities, but my mother in law tells that I am alone and let her stay with me. I have told my husband that when he will be here I will stay in my inlaws house only, but when he is not here I will stay in my mothers house as I am pregnant, and I will be visiting there and stay for some days there also.

I just want to ask that don’t I  have right to ask my husband that where I want to stay or I am  wrong some where, how should I tackle with this problem.

When I can understand his concern towards his family and get adjusted to that, when I have fulfilled my responsibilities and when I am concerned about my family my mother in law interfers, and even my husband is in dilemma, he loves both of us, his mother and as well as me.  Please tell me how to tackle with this problem, I love my husband very much and I respect him a lot, everything goes well in our life but as soon as there is difference of opinion in mother in law and me things fall apart.  Me and my husband understand each other a get adjusted to each others problem.  But I don’t know what is wrong, I just want solution for this problem. 


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

May Allah Taa’la grant you courage to overcome your difficulty. Ameen.

You state you love your husband and respect him. While it is not necessary for you to live with your mother in law, you should consider your love for him and sacrifice for him. If you do not do that, it is possible he will get upset and as stated by you, things will fall apart.

We advise you to bear the discomfort of your mother in law rather than the discomfort of your husband.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Tareque Ahmed

Student Darul Iftaa
New York, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.


العناية شرح الهداية (4/ 397)

لَمَّا فَرَغَ مِنْ بَيَانِ النَّفَقَةِ شَرَعَ فِي بَيَانِ السُّكْنَى. قَالَ (وَعَلَى الزَّوْجِ أَنْ يُسْكِنَهَا فِي دَارٍ مُفْرَدَةٍ لَيْسَ فِيهَا أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَهْلِهِ إلَّا أَنْ تَخْتَارَ ذَلِكَ لِأَنَّ السُّكْنَى مِنْ كِفَايَتِهَا فَتَجِبُ لَهَا كَالنَّفَقَةِ، وَقَدْ أَوْجَبَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى مَقْرُونًا بِالنَّفَقَةِ) حَيْثُ قَالَ {أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنْتُمْ مِنْ وُجْدِكُمْ} [الطلاق: 6] وَفِي قِرَاءَةِ ابْنِ مَسْعُودٍ ” أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنْتُمْ وَأَنْفِقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ وُجْدِكُمْ ” (وَإِذَا وَجَبَ السُّكْنَى حَقًّا لَهَا فَلَيْسَ لَهُ أَنْ يُشْرِكَ غَيْرَهَا فِيهَا لِأَنَّهَا تَتَضَرَّرُ بِهِ فَإِنَّهَا لَا تَأْمَنُ عَلَى مَتَاعِهَا وَيَمْنَعُهَا ذَلِكَ مِنْ الْمُعَاشَرَةِ وَمِنْ الِاسْتِمْتَاعِ) وَكَلَامُهُ وَاضِحٌ

الفتاوى الهندية (1/ 556)

تَجِبُ السُّكْنَى لَهَا عَلَيْهِ فِي بَيْتٍ خَالٍ عَنْ أَهْلِهِ وَأَهْلِهَا إلَّا أَنْ تَخْتَارَ ذَلِكَ كَذَا فِي الْعَيْنِيِّ شَرْحِ الْكَنْزِ

فتاوى عثماني 487/

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.