I am a 24 yrs old female. My parents are looking for a nice guy to get me married to and it seems like they don’t care much how the guy is ( I mean if he is religious or not) All they care is if the guy makes good money or not or whether he is very educated or not. Another things that bothers me when they talk to any families regarding the marriage proposal my father have seemed to lied of certain things such as my age and my education etc etc. I know its wrong and I told him that a marriage cannot be based on lies but he doesn’t seem to understand. He says its okay and it is not a big deal. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go against my parents wishes neither I agree with whatever they are doing. Please advice me on what I should do and please remember me in your duas. Jazakallahu Khairun
Jazakallah for submitting your problem to the institute. You write about your parent’s lack of concern as to what type of husband you would like to have. This is most unfortunate as parents have a total responsibility to help their children find pious partners. I find it very disturbing that your parents are prepared to openly lie about you to prospective in laws. They are exposing you to ridicule and rejection by doing this.
You are twenty four years and therefor much more experienced than younger girls who get pushed around by their parents when it comes to a choice of marriage partners. Have you spoken to a close family member or elderly family friend about your desire to marry a pious man? You could perhaps ask a mutual friend to speak to your local imaam and ask the latter to speak to your parents too. It is unfortunate that they will not listen to you. You also need to ask one of these people to ask your parents to abstain from lying about your personal details as this can more more harmful to you in the long run.
Am I right in thinking that if they decide a certain guy is ok for you, they will allow you to speak to him and discuss important issues with him before you agree to the match? I suggest that you remain level headed and weigh your options carefully. If your heart tells you that a certain man will not be suitable for you and your deen, then tell him so and tell your family you do not agree to marry him. If on the otherhand, you are introduced to someone you think will help you to practice your deen and is a pious person then make istigaraah and seek Allah Ta’ala’s help. You do not have to agree to marry a man who is not pious. Make your feelings, fears and needs known to your parents. Tell them that you appreciate their concern for your material needs. However, tell them also that it is more important to you that your spiritual needs are enhanced and that you would love to have a man who is more dependent on Allah Ta’ala’ for all his needs, be they material or otherwise. It is very important that you constantly remind them about this.
At the same time keep an open mind. Although some men may be rich and higly educated , they may not put much store on their wealth and professional status. They may be the one’s who trust completely in Allah Ta’ala and are grateful for the wealth and skills which have been bestowed upon them by their Creator. They may be more conscious of their responsibilities to their Creator.
Please write again if you have the need to do so. May Allah Ta’ala grant you a pious husband and may you share a pious and tranquil life with him. May Allah Ta’ala guide yor parents to heed your desires and not usurp your rights. Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
1SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai