1)The reason of not making intercourse is this that I don’t have the strength/ability of doing it right now. But due to great stress from parents I am forced to do marriage. I am ready for Nikah but can’t make intercourse. 2)My second question is that I am not fit for marriage is it halal for me to do marriage although I know that I am not fit for fulfilling the sexual desires of wife.? Parent want to marry me and I don’t have the courage to tell that I am not fit for it. I don’t have any friend/relative to tell my problem. I have done a lot of masturbation in past but now I have regreted from this bad habit for last 5-years. Believe me I had not done this intentionally but I was not aware that I am wasting myself. Now at this time my health is very poor and I don’t have energy/ability to make marriage. What should I do now to stop marriage and improvre my health? Please help me.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your self doubt and anxiety.
Brother, you need to be honest with your parents and tell them that you are not ready for marriage at the moment. You do not have to tell them exactly what your problem is. You could perhaps tell them that you are in need of medical treatment before you commit yourself to a woman. It will be unfair on yourself and the woman if you do not address your problem first. Marriage at the moment will place a great deal of strain on you as you firstly need to deal with your problem. I think you have the welfare and feelings of other people at heart and this is why you have written to us. This is a good sign that you are conscious and concerned not to hurt others.
Please do make an appointment to see a psychologist or psychiatrist as soon as possible so that you can work thought the negative emotions and beliefs which you are experiencing at the moment. You need to go for psychological counseling as soon as possible. You have become overwhelmed with negative feelings due to your unacceptable habit and this is why you are of the opinion that you will not be able to satisfy a wife. This is far from the truth. Once you have the ability to work through these negative thoughts and come to terms about your past activity, you will insha’allah, be able to have a normal sexual relationship with your wife. You cannot overcome this burden on your own at the moment. This is why you need a professional person to advise and guide you.
You also need to get in touch with a learned elder or scholar of Islam and ask him to guide you through this anxious period. Ask him to speak to your parents so that he can convince them that they should wait before they make an approach to any family on your behalf. Do also confide in the scholar and tell him your problem and ask him to guide you so that you have someone who will understand your difficulty without condemning you.
You need to remember that Allah Ta’ala is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful. Although you have ignored His commands, He will not ignore your pleas for help, nor will He turn away from you when you ask for forgiveness. Do make sincere tawbah, admit your sin to Him, promise not to repeat it and make sure that you don’ repeat it. Do not ever doubt that Allah Ta’ala will not help you. All you need to do is turn to him. You have not become nor are you an abnormal human being.You are a normal human being and all human beings sin in some way or the other.
The most important thing is that we should turn to Allah Ta’ala in sincere tawbah and start living our lives according to His commands. You have the Quran which explains to you very clearly how you are expected to live your life so allow it to be your guide. Start performing your 5 daily salaah on time everyday, perform as much nafl salaah as you can daily. Make a point of reading the Quran in English so you can understand what you are reading and put it into practice. Make lots of istighfaar, zikr and read Darood shareeff in abundance. Join the company of the pious people and bring the Sunnahs alive in your life. You will find that when the Noor of deen enters your life, you will leave behind the thoughts which plaque you. May Allah Ta’ala’s rahma descend upon you in abundance and may Allah Ta’ala grant you the ability to seek His comfort and help to overcome your difficulties. Ameen. Please feel free to write again if you wish.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai