Q: Advice regarding my divorce and abortion
After nikkah (May 2015), husband told me that some of his girl friends had proposed him, but he refused and still they are good friends and their friendship is so close that they say i love you each other. But one thing he told me about one christian lady (she is a doctor now). He told me that they are so close friends that he always send gifts to her: dresses, i-pad, mobile, money. Whenever he came to India from UAE, he goes to meet her during her holiday and makes her happy by spending time with her by going with her to her favourites restaurants, cinema theatres, and other places wherever she wants to go. But one thing was very annoying: she told him about the size of her private parts and asked him to bring trendy wearings, from UAE, suitable for her private parts. I just shocked. I told him that pls avoid friendship with her. No lady can share about her private parts to a boy even if he is her brother. Then he told me that ”’there’s no boundary between friends as to what to say and share, you dont know all these bcz u have no boy friends”. I asked her number and sent her whatsapp msg saying that ”im his wife now, i dont like your friendship and I know from my husband that your husband also doesnt like this friendship. Dont continue contacts with my husband.” She replied me using very bad language and blocked me. I just started crying. I didnt hear such a bad language from anyone. After sometime, I sent screen shot of chat to my husband. He replied me that ”she got angry by reading your msg. Thats why she replied so. She is a very good girl. ” He had no feelings even after knowing that she used such a vulgar language. I asked him,
1) pls block her and promise me that you wont talk or chat with her in your entire life Or
2) I cant see my husband is maintaining contacts with such a bad girl who reveals the size of her private parts to a guy. If you want to maintain contacts with her, then I dont want to live with you.
He chose the 1st one and promised that ”Upon Allah and his father who is in Qabar at that time, he wont maintain contact with her anymore and will block her in his entire life. ” But its a lie.
After wedding (April 2016), I went to Dubai in December to live with him. Sorry to say, I then came to know that he needs me only in bed. He does it intercourse so many times a day. He does it in such a way that I cant stop tears falling from my eyes. Due to this, going toilet becomes very painful for me. But when I told him about this, he told me that whenever my eyes shedded with tears due to unbearable pain, the pleasure he is getting becomes immensely high. Whenever he is in room, he always engaged in using FB and whtsapp. I dont know how to use FB (I dont personally like it). So when I told him to install his FB account in my phone, he did. I didnt have any doubt in my regarding whether he had any lovers. But one day, I checked some uploads in 2015. Then I came to realise that the lady who used such an abusive language was actually his lover. The first thing he do when he reaches room from workplace (for lunch and at night) is seeing the videos she shared and sharing it. When I asked about her, he fell down into my hands and acted like he’s dead. I was scared and started crying. After 2 mintes, he suddenly opened his eyes and replied me that it was heart attack and told me that their friendship was very pure and they will maintain that friendship as pure as before till his last breath whatever the situation may be. I told him that I wont ask anything bcz i need u throughout my life. I relied upon him. After a week, I was just seeing his uploads in older years. Then I came to realise that their relation was impure. His FB posts and poems he wrote about her for 6years, clearly says that it was a vulgar relationship without limits. I asked his close friend (from childhood onwards) about him. Then he told me that before our nikkah, my husband told his friend that he revealed all his past life to fiancee (me) and she (me) has no problem with my (his) past bad relationships. He also promised to the friend that he will bury all his old relationships and wont maintain any contact with those ladies and will be a good spouse. After knowing that my husband is stil maintaining contacts with those ladies and fooling me telling that saying ”i luv u” each other is a part of friendship, his friend told me that his heart attack was a drama. Before our wedding, when there was a problem in his home, he acted like he has severe chest pain and that friend brought him to a hospital and the friend told the doctor that he is going to get married after somedays . Then doctor laughed and secretly told the friend that there is no symptom of chest pain and all that. His health is perfect. I came to know from the friend that my husband had relationships with many ladies (from other religions), but his purpose was only physical relationship, not marriage. He fooled 1 hindu lady by secretly marrying her according to her custom in temple and after getting what he wanted, he left that place. That lady is still unmarried. His character is such that everyone will like his soft and caring attitude and no one will be there to provide a proof. I couldnt believe that whatever his friend told me was lie bcz the incidents that friend told me about him was same as the stories my husband told me about those ladies. My husband once told me that ”now also that hindu lady madly loves me eventhough I considered her as a friend, saying that even if you marry someone else, pls consider me as a second wife”. His sincere love was with only that christian lady (who said abusive words to me) with whom he had relationship (including physical relationship) for 6years. But when that lady told her family that she wants to marry him, they denied. After that break up, she compelled him to marry someone. After some months, our nikkah was solemnised. But she didnt get that much caring from her husband as she got from my husband. So they started their contacts again. I realised that he is cheating me. When he acted like he got heart attack, I stopped doing isthikhara and started to pray for his well being. But after realising that he is cheating me, I told about this to 2 relatives. They told me to came back to India and escape from such a wild personality. They told me that the things he compelling me to do in bed is not islamic and he was cheating me saying that all are permissible. He knows that I dont know anything regarding this topic. He cant sleep without doing these acts in wild manner so many times a day. He uses medicine also for increasing duration. Before 1 week of coming back to India, we realised that I am pregnant. He started to behave in a rude manner knewing that I wont escape from him after becoming mother of his child. I told my family members about this after reaching home. Now my parents are compelling me to abort if I want divorce from him.They are telling me that if I wont agree for abortion, my husbnd will file case for baby and wont allow me to live peacefully, child will question me and the baby might be a criminal and nobody will be there to support me. They are telling me that Allah is punishing me. I know that he will file case for child, not because of pure love towards child, but because he wont let me to live peaceful life. Fetus in my womb is 9 weeks old now. All my struggles become waste if I get hellfire from Allah due to killing a life. Sheikh, pls give me an advise as soon as possible
1) Whether I have to get divorsed or live with my husband by struggling his torture thinking that some miracle will happen oneday
2) What should I tell to my parents about abortion. Is it advisable in my case or prohibited
3) Should I consider this trial as a punishment or way to become closer to Almighty. Pls dont forget to include me in your duas.
1. If his ways are unbearable I suggest that you request him for a divorce and move on with life.
2. There is no valid reason to abort the child.
3. Don’t pay attention to this.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)