Obstacles and doubts in getting married.

I am looking to get married but I find some obstacles and doubts I want to know a few things

1) Is it true its disliked to marry outside your race I am asking because here whenever I bring up the subject of nikah they always insist I marry a white girl only and see to imply I cant marry a girl who is asian or arab

2) I am 22 years old as I said is this far too young to get married? I don’t work as finding work in the United Kingdom is very difficult though I am studying would it be makruh to marry if one can not provide though he is on jobseekers allowance ( a form of benefits for those who are unable to work)

3) Is it obligatory to have children? I ask as I am not too keen on children not that I hate them but I dont personally want the responsibility of having my own 

4) Culture and family does affect alot of people finding spouses they say you must wait till you get a high paid job and a house others say it is haraam and sinful to marry outside your race some people feel hopeless and consider staying single forever as their families get in the way what should they do?

5) If a muslim doesnt get married is he sinful?

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

1) Marriage is indeed a big step in one’s life and while being a noble act, all concerning issues must be contemplated carefully. The fundamental purpose of marriage is to attain peace and comfort, consequently one should choose a suitable spouse.   

Thus, the reason they insist you marry in your race may be that there will be more compatibility between the spouses and more understanding. In choosing a spouse, it is vital that one listens to the advice of parents and elders and do Istikharah. However, marrying outside your race is not disliked[1].

2) It is necessary the husband is able to sufficiently provide food, shelter and clothing for the wife[2]. It would be makrooh to marry if one unable to provide such.[3]

3)  Children are indeed a bounty and blessing from Allah Ta’ala,

Rasulullah Sallalahu Alahi Wa Sallam said,

تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّى مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمُ الأُمَمَ

“Marry the one who is fertile and affectionate, for verily I will be proud of your great number before (other) nations on the Day of Judgment.(Abu Dawood 2052)

If the parents raised their children upon righteousness and Imaan, they would be a means of benefit for them in both worlds,

إن الرجل لترفع درجته في الجنة فيقول أنى هذا؟ فيقال باستغفار ولدك لك

“A servant will have his rank raised and will say, ‘O my Lord how has this come about for me?’ He says, ‘through your offspring which were seeking forgiveness for you'” (Ibn Maajah 3660)

Moreover, according to Shari’ah, it is the wife’s right to have children. If the husband wishes his wife not to conceive, (by using a form of contraceptive) then he may only do so with her permission, or unless there is a real necessity.[4]

Thus, even though it is not obligatory for a couple to have children, by bearing such responsibilities, one may be rewarded greatly in this world and the Aakirah.

4) In response to your last two queries, If a person has a very urgent need for marriage but is financially incapable of maintaining a wife, then such a person must fast abundantly. Later, when he has sufficient funds to maintain a wife, he must get married. Fasting is a means of curbing his desires. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alahi Wa Sallam) said,

يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ عَلَيْكُمْ بِالْبَاءَةِ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ فَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّ الصَّوْمَ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

‘O young men! You should marry, for indeed it helps in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. Whoever among you is not able to marry, then let him fast, for indeed fasting will diminish his sexual desire.”

 If a person does not have a very dire need for marriage, and instead has an average need, and he is able to pay for her necessities, then Nikah is sunnat-e-mu’akkadah for such a person. As for the person who has a very urgent need, and has the means, Nikah will be fard (compulsory) upon him[5]. This is because there is a fear that he will commit adultery and thereby get the sin of committing a haram act. Even if there are obstacles and negative responses from parents and family, he should try to convince them and get married.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Arshad Ali

Student Darul Iftaa
Trinidad

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

http://www.daruliftaa.net/