Im in a realtionship with a guy & have been for the last 4 months. We really love each other & are still getting to know one another & inshallah want things to work in the long run.He has did Istikhaarah to see if we are meant to be together but he didnt see anything in his dream.what does this mean?
Jazakillah for writing to the institute. Alhamdoelillah, you have had the insight to write to us. This in itself is a good sign. However, allow me to be absolutely frank with you.You are approaching this matter by putting the proverbial “cart before the horse”. Since you have written to this website, I take it that you have read the teachings of the learned elders concerning relationships between non-mahram men and women. You are also aware that as Muslims we are forbidden from being alone with and having relationships with men whom we are not married to.I know that exposure in this day and age to the various media and peer pressure can have an influence on us. However, as long as we remain cognizant of what pleases Allah Ta’ala and as long as we do everything in our capacity to seek His please, we cannot go wrong.
How can you know that after 4 months this man is really right for you? It takes a life time for any two people to get to know each other. It could happen that at the moment because this is the “courtship period” everything, including one’s shortcomings and bad habits will be firmly hidden from view. It is a time for putting the best foot forward till the bait is taken. You both want to impress each other. Once you get married, what will be left to discover about each other? The excitement and romance will wilt and perish oh so quickly when the reality of daily life hits home When you both wake up one morning and he/you suddenly behave differently from the courtship days what will you both do? It may not even occur to you that this is the true reality of married life. You will have to face the nitty gritty of housewifery/ husband, and then what? Dealing with the pots and pans, budget, getting up and cooking, going to work even when sick etc is going to jolt you….
Do you get my drift? No, sister, the way you are to find out if this man is ok for you is to get your family to find out who his friends are, what his true character is, what his pastimes are. Does he attend masjid 5 times a day, does he drink, do drugs, help others when needed, is he involved in his community? Is he interested and willing to care for his parents and extended family? What are his values and do they correspond to yours? Is he interested in Islam and will he be prepared to bring up your children and look after you according to the rights Allah Ta’ala has given you all of you? Will you be willing to do likewise? Does he have a steady job and does he have a work ethic? Is he aware of his responsibilities towards you if he were to be your husband? The list is endless.
Allow me to suggest that you both stop seeing each other and do lots of homework first. Find out what your rights, duties and responsibilities are as a Muslim woman, wife, mother. Likewise suggest that he does the same for himself. Then learn as much as you can about what Allah Ta’ala expects of you as a married woman. Prepare yourself for marriage by seeking the path Allah Ta’ala has suggested, which is the seeratul mustaqueem. May Allah Ta’ala guide both of you and grant you the tawfiq to seek His pleasure and may He grant you an increased desire to fulfill your needs through acceptable channels. Ameen.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai (FATWA DEPT.)
