My cousin has been dating this boy for a while. His family has reverted to Islam 16 years ago and he says they are practiscingy Muslims. They still use their non Muslim names as their Ids have not been changed. He feels that it is not necessary to change your name, as he is a practicing Muslim. We got to know him by his Muslim name only. And later came to find out this. She spoke of nothing else but getting married to him and how he wants to marry her etc. However he wants to only get married to her in a year and a halfs time and want to continue dating her till then, because he is not my the meens to get married. My Uncle received a proposal from friends of our families son. And she came to me concerned as to what she must do. I noticed how she became withdrawn and unhappy. And started focusing extensively on her Salaah and Quraan, and started wearing her scarf, she confided in me that she is in terrible remorse about her actions with this boy. She informed me that she committed zinna with him. He has been in relationships before, with a Muslim girl, and they have openly had a sexually active relationship. And he feels it is the norm. And then she too starting seeing it as the norm. But she now realized that it is not the norm. It is against Islam. She is tormented by her actions. The fact that she commited zinna with him once. And she says that she cant forgive herself and makes Taubah Salaah that Allah swt forgive her. She cant bear it that she forgot about Allah, and thought it was fine. She wanted to end it all with him. As she said that it has all been un Islamic. And she does not want to do this anymore. I advised her to read Istighara Salaah, regarding her life. She read. And received 2 dreams. She took it up with a Moulana and he said that it was not positive. It was about the boy she was dating. She told the boy this and he got angry and told her that Allah has rejected him again (his previous girlfriend also did not have a positive outcome). When she told the boy this, he got angry and said that he has been rejected by Allah. I was mortified when she told me, and she was scared of his words, and then realized characteristics of him that frightens her. She tried to explain to him that is no the case. She was worried that she was leading him to say these things. He later calmed down and said he was sorry for his outburst. And he has said other awful things to her and about her taking her Islam so serious all of a sudden and becoming controlling and wanting to change everything. And not being able to make adult decisions, regarding this zinna, and life with the consequences. Saying that life is not black and white, but there are lots of grey areas and she must take off her blinkers. She does not want to marry him. She wants nothing to do with him. I see her become more and more distant each day. She is so unhappy. She read Toaubah salaah, reads her salaahs, her Quraan, and talks of the Aagirah and how she makes duaah for forgiveness and Jannah Inshallah. She is like a sister to me. This boy still wants to marry her, but wants to date her till he is ready, she wants nothing to do with him, as he says his deen is weak and she is his strength, and that he loves her and can not live without her. She asked me whether it is her punishment to marry him because of the sin they committed. She is worried as to how can she accept this decent boy (the boy her parents want for her – they don’t know of her relationship) when she has been so indecent. I told her that she can not punish herself by marrying this bout she dated because of the zinna. Allah swt is most merciful. Am I right to have told her that?I know my Aunt and Uncle will not approve if she must tell them about this boy. And she feels how is she going to tell this prosperous husband of this relationship. She does not want to marry the boy she was dating. Does she have to because of the zinna?
Please forgive me for the long delay in responding to your mail.
I hope that your friend did break off all contact with this man whom she had a relationship with. She has found herself in a trap which many young women find themselves in. Insha’allah, our young will remember that Allah Ta’ala has created us as very special beings and that our bodies are not meant to be used and abused by just anybody. Sexual relationships are only acceptable between a husband and wife.She has made istigfar and tawbah and insha’allah these have been accepted by Allah Ta’ala. I hope that she has resoloved her problem and that she has married the man her parents introduced her to. MAy Allah Ta’ala bless her and guide her.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Wassalaam
Sister Fadila
Social dept.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai