Assalam o Alekum wr wb
My parents passed away, I have been working in a private organization and got married on October 14, 2012 although I wanted to leave job after marriage but my husband didn’t let me do this.
As soon as November started my husband demanded for money for home expense (we were living in joint family) not very openly but I ignored it and didn’t fulfill his demand, soon his behavior got changed and he became very merciless with me.
As soon as December started I gave some amount to my husband for home expense although he didn’t give me any money for my expense so far.
One day on December 08, 2012 when I came back from my office he didn’t let me come inside and told me to go back my parents home as I didn’t tell him that I am coming with my elder brother, since that day I have been living at my parents home, in this whole period of more than 3 months my husband didn’t want reconciliation a single time and he was threatening me to divorce initially. After 15 days past when I came my parents home I started begging him not to divorce me and get me back to his home and after pleading and begging for 2 days he agreed to take me his home but he said his father has some conditions now if you fulfill then you can stay there and he took me with him his home for an hour, those conditions are as follows:
- First bring your car to your husband home, use this car to go office, which I left at my parents home when married.
- Second keep your gold jewelry in your custody instead of keeping it at your parents home.
- Third give your ATM card, cheque book in your husband custody and you can not withdraw money on your own whenever you require money ask your husband that you need money and he will withdraw from bank on your behalf.
- Keep your degree, all certificates and all credentials with you at your husband home instead of your parents home.
- You can not do anything without your husband’s permission.
Having listened all these things my husband dropped me again at my parents home and said you decide what you have to do, when I told these conditions to my brothers and sister they all were got so angry and said to me “ see they don’t have concern with you, they are after these things instead of you” and I also got convinced with them and angrily I said to my husband that non of the conditions is acceptable for us and if you want to divorce you can, on this my husband said I wont give you divorce however you can take khula. After that my husband spreaded everywhere that my wife is characterless and that’s why we are not living together.
Later when I discussed this issue with some outsiders they advised to accept the conditions and go back to my husband since that time I have been continuously trying and putting all of my efforts to get back to my husband but he is not agreed at all and neither divorcing me instead asking me to go to court for Khula, he didn’t pay my meher(dower) and all my things (dowry) are with them which will be released once khula is done as per them.
My family and majority is saying me to break this relationship as soon as possible and take khula from them as those people don’t look sincere with me but being an eastern girl still I have love and affection for my husband and feel my self weak when I think for taking khula although I am observing that there is no respect and love in my husband’s home neither he has any soft corner in his heart for me.
Please advise me should I go for Khula or wait for my husband to take me back which seems quite impossible in these circumstances as its going to be 4 months now being apart from my husband.
Wa assalam.
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
Sister in Islaam,
If the details above reflect the reality of the situation, then your husband’s behavior is unfortunate and unbecoming. We make du’aa that Allaah Ta’aala gives you the ability to overcome your difficulty.
We wish to advise you that you should never allow yourself to be oppressed and put down. Nevertheless, you should make istikhaarah and also consult with other senior members of the family and seek their wise counsel. If they suggest that it is better for the two of you to tread separate paths, consider it. Do not allow yourself to be exploited. Request your husband for khula’. If he does not comply with your request, take up the matter to your local ‘Ulamaa body and apply for annulment of your marriage (faskh).
And Allaah Ta’aala Knows Best.
Muajul I. Chowdhury
Student, Darul Iftaa
Astoria, New York, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.