When we first got married. my husband was a kind and gentle man but after several months, he became a different person. Not wanting me to be out even to work and he doesn’t work, screamed at me. He didn’t want to go find a job and was expecting me to support him. He refused to talk about it and said claimed he is sick but no symptoms of any kind. He stopped going to Jumah and stopped leaving the house, and would lock himself up in his room with his Iphone. When I got pregnant, things started to get worse. he went crazy like. I had come complication with my preganacy and had my baby extremely early. While resting in bed, he wanted me to abort my child saying that he doesn’t want to have a monster baby and to get it abort. When I didn’t want to, he got very upset with me. My child is now 3 years old and healthy to an extent, thanks God.
He doesn’t support me or my child, doesn’t like my mother who is living with me in my house. When my child was extremely very sick, he doesn’t want me to take my child to the emergency room. We sleep separately since my child came home. He slept all day and stayed up all night, did light stuff around the house (fixing and cutting grass). He did more screaming and threaten to kill me. I tried to keep the family together but it was hurting me too much. Dreadful coming back home from work each day. I’ve had enough and finally kicked him out and he demanded that I pay him, after so many fights and arguements and him threating me and wanting money, I sold my car, gave him the money he d
emanded so he can get out (the money he took was not something I was willing to offer him, he forced me). He’s been out of my house for over 2 years now. i asked for a divorce and granted by Texas law but he never showed up in court for the hearing. He wanted all his mahr (which he used my money to buy for me – he admittely) back. Again, he has not supported me or my child in any way and was living in my house hold. I’ve been raising my child by myself since she was born.
I have 3 questions:
1. The money he forced from me and because I felt threaten, i gave in to his order – is that money halal for him to take?
2. Am I divorce Islamically?
3. The Mahr, do i have to give that back?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is indeed a great misfortune that you have faced such circumstances in the course of your marriage due to your husband’s irresponsible attitude and conduct. We offer our sympathies to you and we ask Allah Ta’ala to grant you easiness in all of your affairs. Aameen
1. It was incorrect for your husband to pressurize you to give him money. Nevertheless, if you gave him the money out of your free will but under pressure, in which your life or limbs were not in danger, then the money given to him will be lawful. However, it was immoral for your husband to take your money under such circumstances.
2. A civil divorce and its implications differ from an Islamic divorce. If your husband has not given you an Islamic divorce then unfortunately, your marriage with him remains intact, the civil divorce does not result in an Islamic divorce.
You may seek help from the local ‘Ulama of your area to further assist you in the matter.
3. The mahr (dowry) is amongst the rights of a wife. Once the mahr is given to a woman, it is rightfully hers. As such, you are not obliged at all to return the mahr to your husband; he has no right to claim the mahr.
Sister in Islam, we would like to remind you that a woman is not permitted to leave her home and work if there are other individuals from her family to provide for her. However, if she does not have anyone to provide for her then Shari’ah permits such a woman to earn an income, provided that she does not violate any of the injunctions of Shari’ah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Fahad Abdul Wahab
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai