Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
I am not able to find any attachment to my parents anymore, even though I try my best. I end up saying something hurtful and regret it. So I have stopped talking to them unless needed. How do I fix it without getting emotionally and physically drained? There is a lot of baggage that I won’t share. It is not their fault because I know their intent was good, but I am drained. I feel I need a six-month to a year break to emotionally realign as I am a mess right now. But I don’t know if I will have a chance after that as they are aging. I need answers.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I feel that you have the answers within yourself. You know that you need a break, you know that you need patience, and you know what the issues are.
Steps
First, if are being abused in some way, you should not accept the abuse and protect yourself. However, if you simply don’t see eye to eye with your parents, your best option is to maintain politeness and respect while maintaining a distance. Help them, sit with them a little, run errands for them, and then spend the rest of the day on your own things. There is no need for lots of communication, but when do you communicate, you should tell them that you want some space and time and that you are doing this to make your bond stronger with them. If they won’t react well, don’t even tell them that, but tread lightly and politely. See these tips as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/dealing-with-difficult-parents-and-keeping-promises/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/obedience-to-parents-when-they-are-being-difficult/
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah with the sincere intention that all you do is for Him and place all your trust in Him. Know that you are never alone and that Allah is nearer to you than your jugular vein. Pray all your prayers on time, read some Qu’ran every day, and make dhikr during your free time. Learn as much as you can about our beautiful religion and try to apply it in your life. Make repentance daily and involve yourself in charity and helping others. Eating healthy and exercising are instrumental as part of your mental wellness. Make a daily routine for spiritual wellness and physical wellness and stick to it. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.