Married but liking another man

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

i am in need of serious help!!! i have been married for about 10 months now. our marriage is good, and he is a good man, and i love him with all my heart. i do care for him much. though this may be, i am really liking another man! i do not know what is going on, at first i didn’t, but then after some things i started liking him. we have talked about it because we both know what is going on. he knows i am married, (also non-muslim) but he said he likes me and can’t help his feelings. he says he don’t expect anything from me, and wouldn’t step into anything unless i will as well. he says- if all stays as is and nothing goes further and we choose to go seperate ways he will still think of me because we still see each other from time to time considering our work. astagfurlillah- i want to rid of my feelings for him, and rid of all of this. but then it is like i do not want to rid of them. it is like- i do not want to hurt myself and my islam and my husband and his islam our marriage but i want to indulge in this. not sex, me or him is meaning- but talking to each other more. i know that what leads to sin is sin, so if i would indulge merely in talking- this is helping the situation not against it- and can lead to dangerous grounds. i do not want to be in dangerous grounds!!!!!! YA ALLAH-I do not want to be in dangerous grounds!!! but i am liking him soo much. i already know anywho- that me and him would not work out cause he not even muslim. but it seems for me in my liking him i am looking this over.
maybe he has more things than my husband that is having me to be attracted to him as this. sincere dua is needed but i feel distant from Allah! Things r starting to cloud my head a little bit, although, i do know what is right, and it is Allah who is keeping me strong. what can i do?

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Praise be to Allah.

May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.

Dear Sister,

I will not mince any words.

Stop talking to this man IMMEDIATELY if you care about Allah, your Akhira, and your husband.

This is nothing but Satan trying to lead you astray. He vowed that he would come at us from every direction. Didn’t Allah Most High warn us in the Qur’an of Satan’s promise that, “‘I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires; I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by Allah.’ Whoever, forsaking Allah, takes satan for a friend, hath of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest. Satan makes them promises, and creates in them false desires; but satan’s promises are nothing but deception. They (his dupes) will have their dwelling in Hell, and from it they will find no way of escape.” [Al-Nisa, 4:119-121]

Allah Most High also warns us time and time again, “Verily Satan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents, that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire.” [Fatir, 35:6]

Dear sister, please leave this man alone! Make it emphatically clear that you will not talk to him any longer. You made a serious error talking to him in the first place. Repent to Allah from this, seek refuge in Allah from Satan the accursed, and immerse yourself in constant istighfar (seeking forgiveness) and dhikrullah (remembrance of Allah.)

There is a reason why Islam places severe limitations on interactions with the opposite sex. This is particularly important for married people. Once we enter into this relationship before Allah Most High, we are giving our word of honor that we will not violate the trust Allah has given us in the person of our spouse. Consider the impact this will have on your marriage. Will your husband ever trust you again? Will he ever love you again? Are you really willing to risk your marriage for a foolish fantasy? These thoughts alone should deter you from pursuing this illicit relationship any further.

You need to take all possible means to stay away from this man, including stopping all contact, and even getting a transfer if need be.

You also need to rekindle your relationship with your husband. This person has come between you two, just as Satan promises to come between husband and wife. You need to consider why you fell in love with your husband in the first place. Why did you choose him to be your life partner in your journey to Allah? Take every opportunity to connect with your husband. All your energies should be devoted toward nurturing your marriage. It’s only 10 months old! Please give it a chance.

I believe that with much earnest supplication and prayer, your heart will incline toward your husband and all desire for this illicit relationship will be removed, Allah willing.

I strongly urge you to seek the counsel of a qualified scholar who can further advise you.

May Allah Most High bring you and your husband together for His sake, bless and protect you both, and keep you on the Straight Path.

Additionally, please see these articles on SunniPath for more help:

Married woman feels in love with another man…

Married, fell in love with another man, but he is now with another girl… help!

Extra-Marital Affair, Repentance & Seeking to Draw Closer to Allah

Feeling very lonely and depressed, and far from Divine Mercy

And Allah knows best.


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