Answered by Shaykh Amjad Rasheed
Translated by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I am in love with a girl and I want to marry her, we have committed fornication. However, I am a non-Arab and she is an Arab and her father has forbidden us to marry because I’m not an Arab. What should I do if he consistently refuses?
Our school takes kafa’ah (suitability) in lineage into consideration, so an [s. Arab] father has the right to reject a non-Arab man who proposes to marry his daughter. This is not discrimination between races, rather this is respecting the differences in human dispositions and customs between the races. The differences in dispositions between non-Arabs and Arabs are clear even among Muslims, irrespective of whether these are correct or incorrect.
However it is preferable for the father not to consider that, but rather to look first at the man’s religion and his character as is stated in the hadith, “If someone comes to you [s. with a proposal] whose religion pleases you, as well as his character, give to them in marriage and if you don’t, there will be fitna in the land and widespread corruption.”
But if the father is adamantly refusing, it is not permissible for you to marry his daughter without his consent. Perhaps you can send someone to him that he will listen to, to speak to him about the matter, it may be that Allah has decreed this marriage between you both. You should know that marriages are destined by Allah, All-Wise. So if [s. marrying] this girl is facilitated for you, then it will happen, and if not, then it won’t. And in either case, there is wisdom behind this that you are not aware of, so you should pray salat al-istikharah and salat al-hajah for ease in this matter if it should be good for you. It is best that you take the path of benevolence and kindness in these kinds of issues and don’t rush things lest you aggravate the problems.
And, when in doubt, seek the advice and counsel of local scholars.