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Father refuses because I am non-Arab…

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Shaykh Amjad Rasheed
Translated by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

I am in love with a girl and I want to marry her, we have committed fornication. However, I am a non-Arab and she is an Arab and her father has forbidden us to marry because I’m not an Arab. What should I do if he consistently refuses?

Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Our school takes kafa’ah (suitability) in lineage into consideration, so an [s. Arab] father has the right to reject a non-Arab man who proposes to marry his daughter. This is not discrimination between races, rather this is respecting the differences in human dispositions and customs between the races. The differences in dispositions between non-Arabs and Arabs are clear even among Muslims, irrespective of whether these are correct or incorrect.

However it is preferable for the father not to consider that, but rather to look first at the man’s religion and his character as is stated in the hadith, “If someone comes to you [s. with a proposal] whose religion pleases you, as well as his character, give to them in marriage and if you don’t, there will be fitna in the land and widespread corruption.”

But if the father is adamantly refusing, it is not permissible for you to marry his daughter without his consent. Perhaps you can send someone to him that he will listen to, to speak to him about the matter, it may be that Allah has decreed this marriage between you both. You should know that marriages are destined by Allah, All-Wise. So if [s. marrying] this girl is facilitated for you, then it will happen, and if not, then it won’t. And in either case, there is wisdom behind this that you are not aware of, so you should pray salat al-istikharah and salat al-hajah for ease in this matter if it should be good for you. It is best that you take the path of benevolence and kindness in these kinds of issues and don’t rush things lest you aggravate the problems.

And, when in doubt, seek the advice and counsel of local scholars.

Amjad Rasheed

(Translated by Shazia Ahmad)

السؤال: أحب بنتا وأريد الزواج منها بعد أن وقعنا في الزنا ، لكني عجمي وهي عربية وقد رفض أبوها الزواج لأني عجمي ، فماذا أفعل إذا أصر على الرفض ؟ الجواب : مذهبنا اعتبار الكفاءة في النسب , فللأب العربي حق الرفض إن تقدم للزواج من ابنته رجل غير عربي ، وليس هذا تفرقة بين الأجناس بل هو مراعاة لفوارق الطبيعة البشرية والأعراف بين الأجناس فلا يخفى اختلاف الطبيعة العجمية عن الطبيعة العربية حتى من المسلمين بغض النظر عن الخطأ أو الصواب في هذه الطبائع , لكن الأولى للأب عدم النظر إلى ذلك والنظر إلى تدين الرجل وخلقه كما في الحديث :” إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض “. لكن إن أصر الأب على الرفض فلا يجوز لك الزواج من ابنته بغير رضاه . ويمكنك أن ترسل إليه من يستمع له ليكلمه في الأمر لعل الله يقسم بينكما الزواج . ولتعلم أن أمر الزواج مقدر من الله الحكيم , فإن كانت هذه البنت ميسرة لك فسيحصل الزواج وإلا فلا , وفي كلّ حكمة لا تعلمها , فعليك بصلاة الاستخارة والحاجة لتيسير الأمر إن كان فيه خير , والأفضل لك سلوك طريق اللطف في مثل هذه الأمور ولا تتسرع فتعظم المشاكل .

This answer was indexed from Qibla.com, which used to have a repository of Islamic Q&A answered by various scholars. The website is no longer in existence. It has now been transformed into a learning portal with paid Islamic course offering under the brand of Kiflayn.

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