I proposed to a girl and her father agreed to our marriage and we read the Fatiha [as a sign of blessing and commitment]. Afterwards, I began to give her money and buy her food and clothing and give her gifts. Then her father changed his mind and refused that we get married. So do I have the right to ask for all the money back that I had spent on her, given that it was a large amount?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate
Imam Ahmad al-Ramli al-Shafi`I was asked this question and the upshot of his answer in our school is that if the suitor had spent this money with the intention that he would marry her, then he has the right to demand back what he had spent on her, of food, drink, clothing, sweets or jewellery. This applies whether the engagement is cancelled by the suitor himself or by the bride’s guardian. Imam Ramli said, “This is because he had only spent on her because he was going to marry her, so he may demand back what he gave if it still remains, or else [he may demand] the like of it if it no longer exists.” However, if he was spending it on her with the intention of gift-giving alone, without considering the fact that he would marry her, then he may not ask for the return of all that he spent.
In Qaylubi’s super-commentary on Jalal al-Din al-Mahalli’s commentary on Imam Nawawi’s Minhaj it says, “[Section] If the suitor, his agent, or his guardian give food, drink, money or clothing to his fiancé or her guardian, and then one or both parties call off the marriage, or one or both of them die, then the person who gave [the above] (or his heir [if he has died]) has the right to demand back everything he gave if [the cancellation] happens before the marriage contract. [Everything may also be demanded back] if he dies or divorces her after the marriage contract and before consummation. However, if she is the one who died, or if the marriage was consummated, then he may not ask back what he gave.”
السؤال : تقدمتُ لخطبة فتاة ووافق أبوها على ذلك وقرأنا الفاتحة، ثم بعد ذلك صرتُ أعطيها نقوداً وأشتري لها طعاماً ولباساً وأقدم لها الهدايا، ثم فوجئتُ أن أباها ردَّ الخطبة ورفض أن يزوجني إياها، فهل لي أن استردَّ ما كنتُ صرفته على الفتاة من الطعام والثياب والهدايا، وهي كثير جداً؟
الجواب: قد سئل الإمامُ أحمد الرملي الشافعي عن هذه المسألة، وحاصلُ جوابه على
مذهبنا: أن الخاطبَ إن كان قد أنفق عليها بقصد أنه يتزوجُها فله الرجوعُ بما أنفق عليها من مأكلٍ ومشربٍ وملبسٍ وحلوى وحلي، سواء كان الراجعُ عن الخطبة والتزويج الخاطبُ نفسُه أو ولي المرأة؛ قال:” لأنه إنما أنفقه لأجل تزوجها فيرجع به إن بقي وببدله إن تلف “. اهـ أما إن كان ينفق عليها بقصد الهدية بقطع النظر عن تزوجه منها فلا يحلُّ له الرجوع بما أنفق.
في “حاشية” القليوبي على “شرح المحلي على المنهاج” ما نصه:” ( فرع ) دفع الخاطبُ بنفسه أو وكيله أو وليه شيئاً من مأكول أو مشروب أو نقدٍ أو ملبوس لمخطوبته أو وليها، ثم حصل إعراض من الجانبين أو من أحدهما أو موت لهما أو لأحدهما؛ رجع الدافعُ أو وارثه بجميع ما دفعه إن كان قبل العقد مطلقا، وكذا بعده إن طلَّق قبل الدخول أو مات، إلا إن ماتت هي، ولا رجوع بعد الدخول مطلقا “. اهـ
