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How do I go about marrying this girl?

Answered as per Shafi'i Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher

I met a divorced woman at a wedding and told her that I was interested to get to know her for marriage purposes. She sent me an email and asked a few questions, which I answered, then I asked her a few question and she answered. She wants to chat online and I am not too comfortable with it because I tend to flirt and I don’t want to lose the barakah. What should I tell her? I already made istikhara. I asked my mom and she is cool with it. I am Arab and she is Arab. According to my understanding, I can propose straight to her since she is a divorced woman. Is it too soon to propose? I want to go with the permission of Allah in this marriage. How should I know the sign? Secondly, I am not a virgin; I committed zina (fornication) and I feel it is fairer to marry a divorcee than a virgin.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah.
May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.


Dear Brother,

It is commendable that you want to proceed with your engagement in the way that is most pleasing to Allah. If you feel uncomfortable with online chatting, then politely tell your intended that you’re not comfortable chatting in cyberspace and feel that it is more respectful to talk in person. I think your decision is wise. If you talk to her in person, in the presence of a chaperone of course, it is more conducive to modesty.

It is not too soon to propose, but I do suggest that you give the sister more time to get to know you. You have made istikhara, which is good. Allah Ta’ala may answer your istikhara in direct or indirect ways. If you’re looking for a sign, consider that your mother is okay with it, and you and the intended sister have some level of cultural compatibility. Please see this link on Sunni Path:

How is one’s Istikhara (prayer of seeking guidance) answered?

You don’t have to marry a divorcee because of your past, (Reliance of the Traveller, m1.4 (A:), p12.1 (3(n:)). Marry the woman who you feel is right for you based on her religion, intelligence, character, compatibility, etc. This woman may be a virgin, or she may not. May Allah bless you in your marriage.

And Allah alone gives success. And Allah knows best.

Umm Salah (Zaynab Ansari)

This answer was indexed from Qibla.com, which used to have a repository of Islamic Q&A answered by various scholars. The website is no longer in existence. It has now been transformed into a learning portal with paid Islamic course offering under the brand of Kiflayn.

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