Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Some husbands control their wives through money. Husbands go to the coffee shop themselves, buy themselves things. Meanwhile the wife has to account for every penny and is given no spending money. Often these same women are constantly told how worthless they are. They strive to please their husbands but can never seem to please. Is it wrong?
I pray this finds you well.
Allah Most High says, “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Quran, 30:21]
Ours is a deen of mercy. Marriage is a sacred contract between a husband and a wife, in which both parties are legally bound to treat each other with compassion. It is absolutely impermissible to abuse one’s spouse in any way, whether it be through physical abuse, emotional manipulation or financial control.
Whenever faced with doubt about the permissibility of something in Islam, it helps to ask, “What would the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) have done?” Our Beloved Prophet was the epitome of compassion to his family and his companions. He was sent as a mercy to the worlds.
The best cure for ignorance is sound traditional knowledge. I encourage you to enrol in Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. I pray that this course will dispel any misconceptions you may have about marriage in Islam.
Please encourage these women in troubled marriages to also enrol in this course, and learn for themselves what an Islamic marriage is supposed to be like. May Allah grant them all ease.
There are clear distinctions between what Islam calls to, compared to pre-Islamic cultural norms. Some cultures require women to completely abase themselves before their husbands. Unfortunately, even with the advent of Islam, some cultural mores remain stubbornly rooted and misunderstood as a ‘wife’s duty’ and a ‘husband’s right’. These problematic cultural norms contribute to abuse in marriage, especially when when Muslims get married without learning the fiqh of marriage and divorce.
In Islam, the only One worthy of utter abasement is Allah Most High. The dignity and well-being of a believer is sacred.
May Allah heal the marriages in our ummah, and help our youth learn their rights and responsibilities before they marry.
Please refer to the following link:
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani.