sometimes it happens to me that shaytaan creates doubts in my head about Allah and about islam and things like that, and sometimes shaytaan says words in my ears that i think would constitute kufr if i say them, like for example cursing Allah, astaghfirullah….
now once i was angry at something and at that time, those ideas were coming to my head and those sentences of cursing were coming in my head, and at one point i felt as if i believed in what shaytaan was saying and i felt as if i meant to, astaghfirullah, curse Allah…like i was so angry, that i myself said those sentences of cursing but in my head not with my tongue…
right away i regretted it and started doing istighfaar….so i just wanted to ask if for that second when i felt i meant it, was i considered a kaafir and did that affect my marriage in any way (like was it considered to be one divorce)?
There are two aspects to this query
A) Your husband B) Namaaz etc.
At the outset, it is important to understand, what can be achieved with wisdom, love and diplomacy can never be achieved with hardness and force. It is the nature of man to be inclined towards those who are easy and soft. Allah commends Nabi () in the Quraan that the Sahabah remained in his company because of his easy and soft nature. Had he been hard and forceful, all the Sahabah would have left his company. It is also well known that the work that is achieved with love and wisdom is done quicker and with extra care and importance.
You state that you are married for seventeen years. This shows that the marital bond between you and your husband is solid. You cannot sacrifice this bond at any cost. The love, understanding that is between you and your husband might be of a very high calibre. Therefore, if you desire that he performs his Salaah and want him to become religious, you have to use wisdom and diplomacy. You should use more words of encouragement than scolding him or rebuking him. By been abusive to him, you may make him stubborn and you will never achieve your objective. Infact you could jeopardize your long lasting relation.
In conclusion, you should begin Ta’leem of Fazaile Amaal at home. This is a book written by a well known Aalim, Hadrath Sheikhul Hadith Moulana Muhammed Zakariyya Khandehlawi of India. This book mentions all the rewards for doing good actions and this will motivate your husband to do good actions.
You should also make Dua and ask your children to also encourage him from time to time.
And Allah Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai