Will I Have a Bad Child Because I Was Bad With My Mother?
Answered by Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan
Question: Assalam alaykum,
I am a 14 year old girl who has given my mother a very hard time. I was just very cruel to her. She has forgiven me every time and we’ve moved on, however, she said the one thing that will stay forever is the fact that Allah will give me a child just like myself. How can I fix this?
Answer: Wa alaykum salam
May Allah reward you for your question.
Obedience to one’s parents is an obligation second to belief in Allah and is emphasized in the glorious Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallaLlahu alayhi wasallam.
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. [Isra: 23]
The Prophet sallaLlahu alayhi wasallam said, “The pleasure of your lord lies in the pleasure of your parents.” [Ibn Hibban]
Be grateful to Allah that you have acknowledged and understood the great position a parent holds at this young age. Ask of Him that He continues guiding you, enabling you to show kindness to your mother and that He grants you many years of opportunity to honor and respect her.
The concern you have raised emanates from two traditions:
Wahb ibn munabbih related that Allah said to Nabi Musa alayhi al-Salam, “Honor and respect your parents, for the one who does so, I will prolong his life and gift him a child who similarly honors and respect him. Whoever disobeys his parents, I will shorten his life and give him a child that disobeys him.” [al-Targib wa al-Tarhib by al-Asbahani]
Abu Hurayrah radiyaLlahu anhu narrates that the Messenger sallaLlahu alayhi wasallam said, “Show respect to your parents and your children will show respect to you.” [al-Mu’jam al-Kabir]
These reports serve primarily as an admonition, encouraging one to show respect, kindness and honor to one’s parents. Secondly, even though they appear to be general, the legal maxim has it that there is no general text except that it may be qualified. The reality bears testimony to this fact. Many a times, a parent may have been disobedient, yet Allah blesses him or her with pious offspring; and many a times a parent may have been obedient, yet Allah tests him or her with disobedient children.
You have, alhamdu liLlah, turned to Allah in sincere repentance and you have also asked your mother to forgive you for your behaviour — and she has forgiven you. You should have high hope that Allah has forgiven and erased the sin and its potential consequences.
Our advice to you is that you are still young. Your mother is still with you. Make the most of this opportunity. At times, when your mother may be unnecessarily harsh or perhaps inconsiderate, remind yourself that Jannah lies beneath her feet, and that she is the best door to Jannah. Constantly ask her to pardon you for any wrong you may have done and always ask of her to pray for you. The prayer of a mother is like an arrow that does not miss its target. If there is any residue of hurt within her, Allah will, inshaAllah, remove if from her heart.
May Allah be with you
[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan
Shaykh Abdurragmaan received ijazah ’ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.