Question: Assalamualaikum is it farz to look after the husbands parents as I have 4 children under the age of 10 my youngest is 4 months old I live few doors down from them we have had an argument as 1 day I was not able to go and clean there due to my son being ill and also still had to my own jobs. My mother in law had a go at me even when I told her the reason she then went and told my husband and he got angry and he started saying I have to do whatever they tell me to do no matter what. Due to doing work there as well as my house and cook and look after 4 children I get very tired and take my anger out on them I don’t know what to do and how to go about it. My sister in law who lives with her is on holiday for 2 weeks so she wants me to go and do her jobs there. There are 3 of us here so is it best to take turns with the cleaning or should I just do it. Jazakallah
Answer: Your husband should appreciate whatever khidmat you do.
Mufti Taqi Saheb says regarding a similar situation that “If his parents are in need of khidmat, He should do it himself”
If they are healthy, then cleaning is something they are able to do and they should do it themselves, otherwise he should hire a cleaner for them for maybe a few hours a day.
He has no right to overburden you with so much work. You are his wife not his slave. According to shaiah rulings, Let alone their khidmat even his khidmat is not fardh upon you.
Imam nawawi has said that khidmat of husband and in laws is a thing of nobility and a woman should take it as an honour.
If you iron his clothes for him or cook for him, he should show some gratitude, at least say “jazakallah”
If you do his parents’ khidmat, Allah will reward you, and you should do as much as you can, treat them like your own parents, but when it gets too much you have the right to refuse in a polite manner.
It seems that taking turns will make things easier for you. Do as much as you can.
May Allah give you strength and energy, make life easy for you, accept your khidmat and reward you in full. Ameen