I have a twin brother who used to live with me as because of his status he couldn’t work at that time. Due to this reason, he did not leave a very good impression on my wife during the early days of my marriage. He then moved back home, got married and then started working in Saudi Arabia. Ever since he got married (for 10 years now), I never helped him, and he never asked for help, whenever he did it was in a manner of joking and not a real need. I did not send him any money either because I wanted to get a house for my family first. Now that I have bought a house and deposited some money in my wife’s account, just recently, I found out that he was in need because of the economic condition in Saudi Arabia. I asked my other brother to send the money to this brother in Saudi Arabia, as the other brother owed me, so the other brother sent him the money and my wife knew about it. After two or three months, I again found about his position that he had some debt as he owed someone else, so I sent some more money twice to help him, but this time I didn’t tell my wife. A few weeks back, my wife asked me a trick question, I could not lie so informed her about the amount that I had sent. She got upset that when she asked me to help him I did not help but later I did. It was not a lie, as at that time I was not going to send him any money. However, later when I found out that he needed money I sent it. My wife and I had a big fight over this.
I tried explaining to my wife that it is my money and if I give this money in charity, then the best charity will be to give to my family members in need. Nevertheless, she is thinking that he is getting a free ride and I am going to spoil him by sending him money. She wants to know each time how much money I am send him. I am against this idea since I want to be able to spend without anyone’s knowledge. I agreed with her that for bigger amounts, we can discuss, but for smaller amounts I should be able to send without telling her.
My question is, does the wife has the right to know every time I spend? Can she ask me not to spend on a specific individual? Can she limit the amount, when I have enough and I am fulfilling the needs of my family already? What if this causes fights between us. Should I give up? Or should she? Because either of us have to come to terms in order to stop the fight. If I give up, then my family members might suffer. I know that other family members are also trying to help but they cannot do that much.
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
You are the owner of your money, you have the right to spend wherever you please, no one else has a say in it to stop you from spending. If you are taking care of all of your wife’s expenses and needs, then even the wife does not have a right to make such statements and interfere in your financial support. In addition, it is an appropriate gesture to help one’s family members instead of someone else, especially the ones who are in need. The messenger of Allah has informed us about double reward in doing so i.e. one for spending for the sake of Allah i.e. sadaqah and second for doing silah-rehmi (establishing and strengthening relationship with one’s relatives). Therefore, you should counsel your wife about the fact that maybe the financial advancement and benefits you have are due to the barakah of these gestures and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta‘ala will InshahAllah provide further barakah in your finances as a result.
Additionally, you should also adopt a strategic solution to some degree for resolving this issue, understand real need vs unreal need, counsel your brother regarding it and produce ways for him that he becomes safe from asking from others.