Proper Manners of Giving & Taking Gifts

The Proper Manners of Giving & Taking Gifts

from Adab al-Mu`ashara (Social Etiquette) by Imam Ashraf Ali Thanwi

1. If you wish to make a request to a person for something, then do not make any gift to him. The one to whom the gift is made under such circumstances is either put to disgrace or is indirectly compelled to comply with the request of the person who presented the gift. (Such a gift will in fact be a bribe (f: and sinful).
2. When taking a gift along the journey to present to someone, do not take so much as to create difficulty for you along the journey.
3. Immediately after accepting a gift it is not proper to give it (the gift) in charity in the presence of the person who made the gift. Contribute it in the absence of the person in a way which will not be known to him, otherwise he will be grieved.
4. The motive for making gifts should be only muhabbat (love and affection), not the fulfilment of one’s needs or request. Therefore, if you have a need to present to a person, do not make a gift to him at the same time. It will then appear as if the gift was motivated by the ulterior motive.
5. The actual purpose of making a gift is to strengthen the bond of affection. Therefore, such ways which inconvenience the one for whom the gift is intended, should not be adopted.
6. Make the gift in privacy, not in public. The muhda ilayh (the person to whom the gift was made) is entitled to make public the gift.
7. If the gift is in kind (i.e. not cash) then endeavour to ascertain the likes and preferences of the muhda ilayh. Present something which the muhda ilayh prefers.
8. The amount of the gift should not be so much that it constitutes a difficulty for the muhda ilayh. It does not matter how less or of little value the gift may be. People of piety are not concerned with the amount or quantity of the gift. They look at the sincerity of the one who makes the gift.
9. If for some reason acceptance of the gift is refused, then respectfully request the reason for the refusal. For the future bear it in mind. But do not insist to obtain the reason at the time. If the gift is refused because of a misunderstanding created by a baseless supposition or misinformation which reached the muhda ilayh, then it is correct, in fact better, to immediately notify him of the error.
10. Do not make a gift to anyone as long as he is not convinced of your sincerity.
11. Do not make gifts in such a way that taking delivery of it becomes difficult and onerous on the one it is given to.