I just wanted to ask if marrying my christian girlfriend who believes that Jesus(as) is the son of God permissible. I’ve read different opinions regarding this and I just wanted to clear it out. I once told her that it’s okay because we live and let live. But then she told me she wants to put up christmas decorations in our house in christmas and I told her she can’t do that. So she calls me off of what I said about live and let live. I tried braking up with her instead but we just couldn’t do it so I just wanted to make sure that if we perform nikah, it will be valid.
Also her father is a preacher so there is a good chance that he won’t approve of our marriage nor come to the nikah if we really pushed through it. Will it still be valid?
Please advice
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Choosing the rightful partner and spouse comes with many consultations and advice from family members as well as elders. One wrong move is very likely to put your life into grief and distress. One must be aware of the many consequences a spouse may bring to a person’s life. Many times, a marriage occurs due to the attraction and lust one has for the other.[1] However, a blind eye is turned towards the harms and difficulties the marriage may bring upon them. To enjoy a marriage of peace and comfort, one necessary element is the compatibility between the spouses. Lack of compatibility means a lack in peace and comfort; hence, resulting into an unsuccessful marriage. Consider the following:
- Ø There is no compatibility in marrying a woman from another religion. The woman in reference does not have an intention of converting to Islam. She claims to remain onto her religion and bring it within the confines of the home as well. This will surely bring differences of opinions in what is right and what is wrong. For example, if she decides to listen to music or commit any other sinful act, the consequence will be a dispute between the spouses.
- Ø The in-laws are bound to be interested in the marriage of their daughter. In due time, they may persuade you to take up all measures in keeping the daughter satisfied with her life. This is when many disputes and disagreements are ought to take place between you and the wife’s family.
- Ø Your child’s faith is being put at risk. As it is a mother’s responsibility to foster the child, the child will instill many qualities from the mother within himself. The mother will take the child to church and places that will have a strong impact on the child’s way of life. You will be overpowered and will feel like you have lost everything.
- Ø Your relatives will disapprove of such a marriage. They will pressure you and degrade you in reconsidering the deed you have taken up to. As human beings, we are not made to withstand such burden from so many people; especially if it is our own family. You will eventually lose control over yourself.
The stress and depression such a marriage contains are too many to mention.[2] We simply advise you to avoid such a marriage.[3]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
AbdulMannan Nizami
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, IL, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
[1] فَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا الْهَوَى أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا
[القرآن، سورة النساء، الآية ١٣٥]
الدُّنْيَا سِجْنُ الْمُؤْمِنِ، وَجَنَّةُ الْكَافِرِ
[صحيح مسلم، كتاب الزهد والرقائق، ج٤، ص٢٢٧٢، دار احياء التراث]
[2] الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ وَمَنْ يَكْفُرْ بِالْإِيمَانِ فَقَدْ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ وَهُوَ فِي الْآخِرَةِ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ
[سورة المآئدة، الآية، ٥]
[3] وَالْأَوْلَى أَنْ لَا يُفْعَلَ أَيْ التَّزْوِيجُ بِالْكِتَابِيَّةِ وَلَا تُؤْكَلَ ذَبِيحَتُهُمْ إلَّا لِلضَّرُورَةِ، وَتُكْرَهُ الْكِتَابِيَّةُ الْحَرْبِيَّةُ إجْمَاعًا لِافْتِتَاحِ بَابِ الْفِتْنَةِ مِنْ إمْكَانِ التَّعَلُّقِ الْمُسْتَدْعِي لِلْمُقَامِ مَعَهَا فِي دَارِ الْحَرْبِ، أَوْ تَعْرِيضِ الْوَلَدِ عَلَى التَّخَلُّقِ بِأَخْلَاقِ أَهْلِ الْكُفْرِ وَعَلَى الرِّقِّ بِأَنْ تُسْبَى
[حاشية الشلبي على تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق وحاشية الشلبي ، ج٢، ص١٠٩، مكتبة إمدادية]
الدُّنْيَا مَتَاعٌ، وَخَيْرُ مَتَاعِ الدُّنْيَا الْمَرْأَةُ الصَّالِحَةُ
[صحيح مسلم، كتاب الرضاع، باب خير متاع الدنيا، ج٢، ص١٠٩٠، دار احياء التراث]