Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah
I have married a Christian revert whom I only gave dawa to and by the grace of Allah she became a Muslim which was around two years ago. We have now been married for over two and a half months.
A couple a days ago we had a small argument and because of my impatientness of solving the matter at the same time she violated me by slapping me on the face, I do except out of anger I said a few bad words humiliating her behaviour and just walked off. She then came to the house and locked herself in our room, when she had calmed down and tried to talk to me, I was still upset with her and refused to talk, she then started to say all kinds of bad words and because I was still ignoring her, she asked me to leave her and give talak and as I still ignored her she then started continuously hitting me really hard so I just grabbed her wrists and sat her down. I told her that she should go to her mum’s house just for the night so we both could calm down and discuss the matter tomorrow she then aggressively said she wants a divorce and that she wants me to give it now so I replayed saying “you’re the one that wants to leave me so you say it” she then said it three times verbally and when she asked me say it I stayed quiet at first and then asked her to give me till tomorrow first thing in the morning the reason I had said that was because she was acting really psycho and breaking many expensive things in my parents’ house throwing all my clothes out the room and she’s even scratched my expensive car. I then asked to just sleep here tonight separately as it was very late at night. In the morning as I woke up I just heard her leave and as I never had any sleep and was very grumpy, I thought to myself that if I don’t reply she might end up doing something else as she suffers from depression and anxiety. I sent her one message from my mobile phone only saying “talak, talak, talak” which was 101% unintentionally and did not dedicate at all. I am totally unaware of any Islamic believes and how this could affect my marriage.
Finally before you give me a answer I would like to inform you that her family are really corrupted by the media about Islam and at first were not happy about her reverting and now I am scared that if this is talak-e-mugallazah in which case I would never accept her again dispute that she has to get married to someone else I am also afraid that if this officially is a valid talak she might go back to being a kuffer. Once again I was really scared about her and on behalf of her illness (depression and anxiety) falsely sent the txt message with no intension what so ever.
Please give this your full attention and priority as this is a very complicated matter.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Dawah is not only inviting one to Islam. It also encompasses ones conduct to a revert in order for the revert to be convinced on his or her decision of accepting Islam and thereby assisting the person to remain firm on Islam.
Alhamdulillah, the woman in reference accepted Islam through your effort. However, it is unfortunate that you are now concerned about the negative consequences of your impatience and intolerance to her. You are now worried about her reverting to kufr. You have acted irresponsibly by letting a small argument to lead to a marriage break-up. She calmed down and tried to speak to you and you were still angry. That aggravated her which led to you issuing her three talaq by sms. If you were honest and sincere in giving her dawah to Islam and you married her for the sake of Islam, you should tolerate her especially when it is only 2 ½ months into the marriage. If you could make so much of effort in giving her dawah, why couldn’t you exercise restraint? That attitude brings to question your honesty and sincerity in giving her dawah to Islam purely for the sake of Islam or for yourself.
Nevertheless, the three talaqs issued by sms are valid and they constitute talaq-e-mughallazah (a permanently irrevocable divorce). You should repent to Allah for your irresponsible conduct. Before marrying a revert to Islam, you should think and ponder whether you are marrying her to fulfill your lust or for the love of Islam, and whether you would do justice to her.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah
Please check the detail article on “Three Talaq” at http://www.al-inaam.com/fataawa/three_talaaq.htm