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Fail to find sexual attraction towards women.How can I marry?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Ever since I remember I have felt not felt sexually inclined towards women.Since my childhood these abnormal feelings of not having normal sexual orientation has bothered me .At times I have repeneted and asked for Allah ‘s mercy and at the other times I have fullfilled my desires for satisfaction with same sex.Now i have repented and made tauba to Allah.My family is planing to get me married which i surely want to do but i donot have a slightest attraction towards women.I am afraid I will not be able to fullfill her needs and satisfy her sexually.I donot want to ruin someone else ‘s life.I have made tauba that i will never go for same sex but how can not be with the opposite sex either.Its not just my life .Its somoene else s life.What should I do ? Should I marry ?Should I stay single and keep fasting? If i marry how will I satisfy her sexually ?I am in pain.Please help me .Jazakallah


Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your problem.

It has become fashionable for so called scientists, biologists, social
engineers & others to claim that homosexuality is “genetic, hormonal,
congenital, a mental illness, and biologically predetermined”.
Alhamdulillah, you have repented and you are striving to live your life in
accordance with Allah Ta’ala’s commands. Please understand that my response
to your mail is not in judgment of you.

Allah Ta’ala did not create homosexuals and lesbians. Allah Ta’ala created
man and woman to be comforters, partners, lovers and companions of each
other. It is through the sexual union of a man and woman that a child is
granted to the couple. If Allah Ta’ala had intended for men to have sex with
men and women with women, He would have clearly stated so in the Quran.
However, we read of Allah Ta’ala’s wrath and the destruction of people who
went against His plan for mankind. It is through the Quran, which is Allah
Ta’ala’s speech to us, that we are clearly reminded that same sex partners
are not acceptable to Allah Ta’ala.

You have not experienced the pleasure of a woman’s love, comfort and grace.
You have not sensed the warmth of her body. You have not known the pleasure
which Allah Ta’ala has placed in fulfilling your sexual desires with a
woman.So how can you say that you are not attracted to the idea of a wife?
Unfortunately, you are bombarded with arguments that are ‘pro gay this and
pro gay that’ which have probably helped you to accept that this is the life
for you. Those who wish to propagate and make fashionable this lifestyle
have managed to con governments, so called pious people and even the
churches etc into believing that being gay is a perfect way of life. Do not
allow yourself to be conned by this hyped up garbage. The subtle and devious
juxtopositioning of terms like “sexual orientation ” and “sex role identity”
are meant to give a message to you that your condition was pre-ordained and
fixed by some force beyond your control.As if Allah Ta’ala had no part in
your Creation and your role in this world, na’uthu-billah.You are Allah
Ta’ala’s creation. You are just as special, if not more special than the
next human being. You have been granted the greatest gift of all, that of
imaan. Give yourself the opportunity to live your life according to Allah
Ta’ala’s plans and cast off the hype of those who do their utmost to make
you believe otherwise.

You say that you have felt this way since childhood. I aim to ask you some
very personal questions.Did you indulge in or were you made to indulge in
sexual activity with boys or men at an early age? Did an adult male or older
boy molest you or expose himself to you when you were a child? Were you made
to view pornography involving males?

It is possible that somewhere in your childhood something triggered this
belief in you. Please feel free to discuss your problem with me.

Allow me to suggest that you sincerely seek Allah Ta’ala’s guidance and
assistance in this matter. Read the holy Quran with meaning and with
commentary so that you can fully appreciate Allah Ta’ala’s laws and plans.
Perform your 5 salaahdaily punctually everyday. Perform salaatul Haajjah and
salaatul Tahajjud everyday. Make istigfar and recite darood in abundance.
Try to focus on changing your mindset and overcoming the negative influences
around you. Speak to an elder in your family or community and ask them to
approach your parents with a view to giving you more time beofre making any
decisions rearding marraige. If possible, seek counselling from a pious
person or a Muslim psychologist who has taqwa and is deeni conscious. You
are welcome to write to me again if you wish to do so. May Allah Ta’ala
embrace you with His love and grant you the best of this world and the
hereafter. Ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best


CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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