Asalaamu alaykum respected Shaykh,
Me and my wife had an argument after which I stormed out of the house. In anger I sent a text message saying, “I divorce you.” Will it be counted because I was not in front of her? Instead it was by SMS.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
In principle, being in the presence of one’s spouse is not a pre-requisite for the issuing of talāq.[1] One talāq has materialised by this performance. If you wish to take your wife back, simply tell her you are taking her back and live with her like a loving husband.[2]
A husband must wrestle down and overcome his emotions. One fit of rage can destabilise a whole family. Divorce is in the forefront for producing delinquent displaced children. Always think before doing anything. Do not let your emotions govern your decisions.
Anger is a natural trait in a human. It must be reserved, channelled and expressed in the right times at the right places in the right quantity. One’s wife is not a dartboard of one’s anger. If you ever feel angry then walk away and cool down. Drink a cold drink. Perform wudhū’ and perform salāh. After calming down approach your spouse and discuss things with a desire to reconcile. Look at both sides of the story.
Every marriage has its ups and downs. Learn to weather the storm. Diplomatically resolve all trivial issues. Rise beyond and above your emotions. Make a home; don’t break a home.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Faraz ibn Adam,
www.darulfiqh.com
[1] ثُمَّ الْمَرْسُومَةُ لَا تَخْلُو إمَّا أَنْ أَرْسَلَ الطَّلَاقَ بِأَنْ كَتَبَ: أَمَّا بَعْدُ فَأَنْتِ طَالِقٌ، فَكَمَا كَتَبَ هَذَا يَقَعُ الطَّلَاقُ وَتَلْزَمُهَا الْعِدَّةُ مِنْ وَقْتِ الْكِتَابَةِ.(رد المحتار ج 3 ص 246 أيج أيم سعيد)
[2] وَتَصِحُّ مَعَ إكْرَاهٍ وَهَزْلٍ وَلَعِبٍ وَخَطَإٍ (بِنَحْوِ) مُتَعَلِّقٌ بِاسْتِدَامَةُ (رَجَعْتُكِ) وَرَدَدْتُكِ وَمَسَكْتُكِ بِلَا نِيَّةٍ لِأَنَّهُ صَرِيحٌ (وَ) بِالْفِعْلِ مَعَ الْكَرَاهَةِ (بِكُلِّ مَا يُوجِبُ حُرْمَةَ الْمُصَاهَرَةِ) كَمَسٍّ وَلَوْ مِنْهَا اخْتِلَاسًا، أَوْ نَائِمًا، أَوْ مُكْرَهًا أَوْ مَجْنُونًا، أَوْ مَعْتُوهًا إنْ صَدَّقَهَا هُوَ أَوْ وَرَثَتُهُ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهِ جَوْهَرَةٌ وَرَجْعَةُ الْمَجْنُونِ بِالْفِعْلِ بَزَّازِيَّةٌ. (رد المحتار ج 3 ص 398 أيج أيم سعيد)