Assalamualaikum, my husband has got married again. i am finding it very hard to cope with. can u please tell me what i can do islamically to cope better. I fell very depressed. I have three small children, the second one has none. jazkallah khairun
It is only natural to feel hurt and pain. It is also very difficult for woman to accept this today especially as women are brought up in a westernized or cultural environment, not prepared for a polygamous situation considering this; it is possible that you probably have lost your self confidence and self esteem. You probably may be asking the question? Why me? What is wrong with me? I bore him children? Why now? Thus plunging you into greater depression.
Since your husband has already married let us approach the situation accordingly on a positive note.
1. What can you do? How do you remove this depresion? Start by acceptance. Don’t fight the situation emotionally. Acceptance does not mean that you lose your womanhood, neither your rights, neither your beauty, neither your intelligence and neither your good qualities.
2. In fact generally through observation one sees the importance the husband places with the 1st wife because she has been a pillar of strength from youth through difficulties and success, and further she is the mother of his children. Hence you hold a very special place in his heart.
3. A common mistake women in polygamous marriages make, they start to compare and compete with the other women wondering what the short falls are, rather take the extra time that you now have to spend on yourself. When last did you have time for yourself besides sacrificing your time between husband, home, children and other possible work or chores. Often women tend to neglect themselves.
4. Start by looking at yourself in the mirror.Appreciate all the positive qualities Allah Ta’ala bestowed upon you. Look at possible areas of neglect on clothing/ doing yourself up especially at home. Bring in some exercises, an excellent manner of stimulating bllod flow and chemicals in the body and brain which alleviates depression.
5. Create a mood of happiness and peace in your home. Avoid allowing your sadness and depression from over -riding you which may lead you to expressing anger and frustration on the children. Some possible suggestions of creating a pleasant atmosphere are: Put on some Islamic Nazms (Arabic/ Urdu, English)
Aeromatheraphty candles/ scents
Smile at your husband,
Bring in the essence of love into the life, show love to your children, your husband and adopt an approach of
pleasantness,
Also remember to dress beautifully for your
husband.
All this with the intention for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. Let this approach become an ibaadat, then you will feel a sence of contentment. Make positive dua, that Allah Ta’ala increase the love between you and your husband. Don’t curse the other woman neither make bad dua. Insha Allah you will rewarded in this world and the next for your patience and positive efforts. May Allah Ta’ala make it easy and give you happiness in your life and remove your depression.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
2SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai