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Is it Ok to marry a clean muslim girl who wears skirts, sleevless shirts, and believes in swimming in public as well as playing sports (plz see detailed description)?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I?ve known a girl for 1 year (she’s muslim)and have come to really like her and have an interest in marriage. She wears knee-length skirts as well as sleeveless shirts. She isn’t against swimming or playing sports. I have begged her to stop and have quoted Quran too. She is a very clean girl. Here are her arguments: 1. grown up this way my whole life (my sisters dress same way) 2. the verses in Quran on dress code are ?open to interpretation? 3. can dress that way because other muslims in her community do 4. if guys look at her figure it’s not her problem. They can go ahead and think that way. 5.She is in the West. Part of the culture. says if she was in Islamic country she would dress properly 6.doesn’t matter how you dress (small issue). matters what’s in your heart, if you don’t hurt people and if you love Allah, etc. Basically, she and I are stuck. She says it would be wrong for her to change cause dressing the way she does ?has not done her any wrong.? I will not marry a girl like this. I need some moderate and clear advice. I understand marriage is serious and Allah knows best, but you must be able to give me some clear-cut advice which can guide me to make the correct decision.She says that she wants to give her daughter the option of swimming, playing sports, and wearing skirt/sleeveless. I?ll leave it to you to now.Tell me if I should forget her or if I should continue a relationship with her-maybe marriage. W/salaam

Answer

Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding the choice of a marriage partner. It is indeed commendable that you have decided to give this very important matter in your life a serious thought. Young people, and even their parents often consider the choice of a marriage partner as a status symbol in terms of how much more beautiful/handsome, glamorous, highly educated and rich the potential partner is. Rather than the consideration of how the young persons will be able to earn the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and gain closeness to Him through marriage, social and worldly considerations dominate. Marriage has now become an occasion for a parade of ‘fashionable clothes’ videos, music and extravagance. The spirit of nikah is rapidly losing it’s true meaning, which is, ‘completing half of one’s imaan’ through marriage.

I can understand how difficult it must be for young folk who grow up in societies which place such a high premium on physical looks and ‘nudity’. Women are treated as objects and they do not even realise it. They are encouraged to beautify themselves and flout their bodies for all and sundry to leer at and to ‘abuse’. It is unfortunate and sad that any woman (let alone a Muslim woman) should think that the only way she can look good and be acceptable as a human being is by displaying her physical beauty. The irony of it all is that these same women spend millions on make up, clothing and reconstructive surgery. Yet they also finally end up mentally ill when this very temporary ‘investment’ of theirs starts disappearing as age starts taking it’s toll. People are far removed from reality when their vanity overtakes common sense.They pin all their hopes on their physical appearance and instead of cultivating their spiritual and intellectual capacities which Allah Ta’ala has endowed them with, they make a slippery journey with shaitaan into Jahannum.

The wise couples will take their examples from Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi
wassallam) who considered it important that spouses should appear attractive for each other. They should dress to attract each other rather than society or other men/women. This is a vital ingredient in the chemistry of love. Even Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) first went to the masijid after returning from a journey to give his spouses time to make themselves presentable. He (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) is reported to have said, “Should I not inform you of the best of man’s treasures? A pious wife, when he looks at her, she pleases him…….”

Another aspect of your mail touches on the type of clothing a woman wears in public. A woman has as much right as a man to learn to swim and to enjoy swimming. However, she should remember that Allah Ta’ala as endowed her with a greater sense of modesty. By abiding by His commands as they have been related to us through the Holy Quran, a woman earns the pleasure and rewards from her Creator which can never be matched by any human being in this world. A woman’s ‘satar’ means that she should reveal only her hands, feet and face to another woman. A Muslim woman’s modesty should be of such a high level that she should not find herself in a compromising position at any time, with a man or a woman. Allah Ta’ala endowed Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi
wassallam) with knowledge which preceded the knowledge of all mankind for all times. Think of the level of homosexuality and lesbianism which trots around the world as ‘normal’ at the moment. It is because men and women do not hesitate to reveal themselves to their same sex friends and relatives in the nude. Likewise, men and women should refrain from displaying their bodies to each other too. The commands to shield one’s beauty (body) from the opposite sex, to lower one’s gaze and refrain from being alone with a non-mahram should not be taken lightly nor should they be rejected. One who deliberately disregards these laws is a sinner. Some of us give in to the whisperings of shaitaan by intellectualising our ‘deviant’ and rebellious behaviour. For instance, if one takes two sips of liquor with the intention to quench one’s thirst, can one still consider that no harm has been done since one’s intention was not to really imbibe liquor or get drunk?

You, as well as all Muslims who wish to marry have been advised to seek pious partners. From what you write in points 1-6, you have to examine what you would find pious in the lady. Which qualities do you think earn the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and which qualities earn the wrath of Allah Ta’ala. Do also think about what type of mother you would like your children to have. The type of upbringing you wish for them to have and what your expectations are of a wife. Do you think you should be able to make compromises on your desire to obey Allah Ta’ala to the best of your ability or do you think that certain commandments should just ignored and that your nafs should prevail?

Brother you strike me as an intelligent person with a good head on your shoulders. You also seem appear to allow your intellect to be guided by Shariah and you are aware of your obligations as a Muslim man and a potential husband and father. A man is the captain of his ship, i.e. his home. He has been given the leadership role by Allah Ta’ala in the home. He is accountable for all sin which occurs in his home if he does not take measures to counter these and stop them. You have to seriously think of this before you commit yourself to a relationship in which you will find yourself battling to bring alive the practices of your deen and Allah Ta’ala’s commands.There is no point in involving yourself in a marital relationship which will only bring you pain and stress because your spouse does not find it important enough to give up her nafs in order to please her Creator.

May Allah Ta’ala grant you a pious wife who will be the coolness of your eyes and one with whom you will find peace, tranquility, love, affection and the true joy which Allah Ta’ala intended you to have with a life time partner. Ameen. And Allah Ta’ala knows best.

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