Asalam-u-aluqum
I am in a polygamous marriage. I converted to Islam before I married my husband in February last year. We had separate homes but for certain reasons he suggested we all live in one house. Myself, him and the other wife. This was supposed to be for a period of 3 months but it will soon be going on one year.
The other wife lost her job. For a long time it was only me working while the two of them were unemployed. My husband recently started his own business. This of course bring some relief.
Due to the fact that we were all living together, this made intimacy something of a non-existent issue for me. Of course, with the two of them home alone, I was the only one not getting any intimacy. My husband and I were never alone.
We recently moved into a new place – all of us together – and he instituted a new rule where he would have alternate nights with both of us. However, hardly had we moved in when I discovered she was pregnant.
I have been wanted a child for the longest time but I feel that this situation has robbed me of my chance to fall pregnant.
This situation is such a painful one. I feel like I am working and contributing and she is just reaping the rewards of my hard work.
I guess my question is – what lesson is Allah trying to teach me? Is this a test or is life just this cruel?
Some advice please….
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam, it is pleasing to note that Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with Iman. This is the greatest bounty of Allah Ta’ala upon you. May Allah Ta’ala keep you steadfast on Iman. Ameen.
According to Shari’ah, your husband is responsible to maintain you and provide you shelter, along with privacy.
You have agreed to stay together in one house for circumstances known best to yourself.
Nevertheless, our Iman is on Taqdeer (predestination). It is compulsory to submit to the will of Allah Ta’ala, which is one of the greatest forms of worship.
Allah Ta’ala decrees pregnancy and conception. Your husband has also agreed to spend time with you. If Allah Ta’ala wills, He will grant you a child as well.[1]
Our advice to you is to be patient and turn to Allah Ta’ala. Have conviction that whatever He decrees is best for you.[2]
You will witness the power and wisdom of Allah Ta’ala as you travel through the journey of life.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Saad Haque
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[1] Allah Ta’ala says,
لِلَّهِ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَاءُ ۚ يَهَبُ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ إِنَاثًا وَيَهَبُ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ الذُّكُورَ {49} أَوْ يُزَوِّجُهُمْ ذُكْرَانًا وَإِنَاثًا ۖ وَيَجْعَلُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ عَقِيمًا ۚ إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ قَدِيرٌ {50}
To Allah Ta’ala belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female (children), and He gives to whom He wills males.
Or He makes them (both) males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is All-Knowing and Competent. (Quran 42:49-50)
[2] Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,
«عَجَبًا لِأَمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ، إِنَّ أَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ خَيْرٌ، وَلَيْسَ ذَاكَ لِأَحَدٍ إِلَّا لِلْمُؤْمِنِ، إِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ، فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ، وَإِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ، صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ»
“How excellent is the situation of a believer. All his situations are to his advantage. This is enjoyed by none but a believer. When he experiences occasions of happiness and is grateful over this, it is to his advantage. When he experiences occasions of distress and is patient over it, it is to his advantage.” (مسلم ٢٩٩٩)