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I refuse to marry unless it’s her

So usually I am a person who doesn’t really care for worldly things or women. I don’t like most women. But then a few years back I remember this one girl. She is chinese so I don’t really know what her beliefs are but she’s not a muslim. She was the only (female) person that would actually converse with me in class and she was really nice and kind. She lives nearby and I’ve known her for a year. This was the first time I’ve ever felt the emotion of ‘love’. I’ve fell in love with her ever since and now it’s getting to the point I am becoming lovesick. Starting a few days back, I’ve started crying every night, longing to marry/live with her. I’ve also said things along the lines of “I refuse to marry unless it’s her”. So here is my question, If I (inshallah) go to Jannah and she does not, and I desire for her to live with me in Jannah, will Allah forgive her and grant my wish? What if she was married to someone else in the world? Will she still be able to live with me? I even refuse to look at other girls because of my love for her.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The pain, anguish and anxiety you are experiencing is something Shariah tried to save you by prohibiting the intermingling with the opposite gender.

You have transgressed the limits of Shariah and got caught up with this girl. Your pain and anxiety is the consequences of the Haraam your nafs has committed. If you would have remained with the limits of Shariah, you would not have been experiencing all such feelings.

Nevertheless, if you intend marrying the girl in reference, first consult your parents and confide in them. Marriage is a major step in life. You have to choose the right partner. Your parents have the insight in life to guide you. It appears your infatuation of the girl and emotions are riding on you. You are not even considering the issue of Imaan and kufr. If you want to be with her in any way, would you consider being thrown in hell if she is there? Surely not. That should make you come to your senses and realise that priority be given to Imaan over the love and infatuation you have for her.

Follow principle. Consult with your parents. Present Imaan to her and let her know your intentions to marry her. If she accepts, you will be a means of her embracing Islam. If she refuses, there is no point in choosing someone who doesn’t want you.

Love is mutual and parallel to travel on the highway of life. It is not a single road to consider only traffic from the opposite direction!

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Safwaan Ibn Ml Ahmed Ibn Ibrahim  

Student Darul Iftaa
Limbe, Malawi

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.