Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
If a daughter wants to wear full hijab but her mother won’t allow it or has expressed her disapproval for the daughter wearing it: what should the daughter do? The mother is not understanding and doesn’t seem to listen and wants the daughter to be more “modern.” This leads to many arguments and the daughter gets very angry upset even though she knows she’s not meant to argue with her mother. Talking doesn’t work as it just leads to arguments. Family members have tried to educate the mother as to why hijab is important but mother doesn’t seem bothered.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend upon Prophet Muhammad, his family, companions, and those who follow them with sincerity to the Day of Account.
This is a delicate situation since the person you would naturally confide in and turn to for encouragement in obeying Allah is not providing you with that encouragement.
Let me state, first and foremost, that there is no obedience to a human being, even to your parents, when they call for disobedience to the Creator. You are to be commended for seeking to fulfill your obligation to be modest. That having been said; don’t argue with your mother. As you have indicated, arguing is counter-productive and creates even more ill will. Instead, show your mother the best example of a Muslim daughter. Take the higher path. Be kind, generous, and loving. If you exercise sabran jamilan, or beautiful patience as Allah mentions in the Quran, Inshallah, you will be rewarded. Pray to Allah to soften your mother’s heart and incline her to what is right.
You mentioned that your mother wants you to be more modern.’ Don’t debate with her about her definition of modern.’ But, try to show her, whether directly or indirectly, that a Muslim woman in hijab is modern’ too. Try to introduce her to professional Muslim women who wear hijab. Consider subscribing to Azizah Magazine, a publication that features the accomplishments of women who wear hijab. If your mother shows any interest, show her websites like Shukr, where she can see a sophisticated blend of Islamic modesty and Western fashion in a fine line of clothing for Muslim women. Try to show her the beauty of hijab, its practicality, and the happiness and accomplishments of women who wear it.
And Allah knows best.
Zaynab Ansari