If a husband is wanting him and his wife to have oral sex and anal sex but she knows its forbidden in Islam but she is scared that he will leave her as he has said that he wants it and would go elsewhere, what should she do?
Jazakallah for writing to the institute reagrding your husband’s unacceptable sexual demands on you.
Sister, you are under no obligation to comply with his demands. He is most probably aware, or you may have already told him that oral and anal sex are not allowed by Sharia. Allah Ta’ala is very clear on this and your husband cannot make up his own rules to suit his unacceptable desires. He is also creating stress in your relationship by making this demand as it places you in a position of feeling that you are not satisfying your husband. You also know that it is not acceptable according to Islam so he is asking you to go against Sharia.
I suggest that you go along with your husband (or send him on his own) to a learned elder or aleem who will explain and clearly point out to him that Allah Ta’ala has not meant human beings to have sex through any other cavity other than through the vaginal cavity.
There are also medical risks involved in having sex through the anus as it is not anatomically structured nor lubricated like the vagina to receive a penis. Bleeding often occurs and infections are grossly increased through entry into the anus. Aesthetically, you may also find oral sex repulsive and this is not condusive to your mental health if you are forced to undergo this act. Your husband has to take your feelings and desires into consideration always when it comes to sexual matters. It is not only his desires which need to be fulfilled.
If he decides to go elsewhere to fulfill his perverted desire, then you should not take responsibility for his actions. He alone will be answerable to Allah, it will not be your fault as you are not expected to obey your husband when he makes a request against Shariah. Allah Ta’ala will give him just so much time to change his ways before
Allah Ta’ala strkes him down as He did with the people of Sodom and Gomorah. On the other hand, if he gives up on this desire right now, it could be a means of him earning Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure to such an extent that it could be a menas of him entering Jannah, insha’allah.
You should perhaps open the relevant pages in the Quran and reveal them to him before he indulges in adultry and haraam. You have every right to involve your family or respected elders in this matter to try and make him realise that his thinking is irresponsible and out of keeping with Allah Ta’ala’s commands. One of the fastest ways of spreading and contacting of the HIVirus is through anal sex. I think you have a real problem here and do not sit back. Be proactive and seek counselling so that your husband can become more alert to the social, medical and spiritual dangers of his untoward desires.
Please make lots of dua for yourself and your husband. Remove the TV, lurid newspapers, books, magazines and music from your home. Turn you home into a ‘mini’ madrassa so that both of you can benefit from taleem and practice of Allah Ta’ala’s commandments. It is when we make the small moves towards Allah Ta’ala’s commandments to earn His pleausre that he will remove these type of fitna away from our homes and our lives, insha’allah.
May Allah Ta’ala grant your husband hidayah and guide him to the right path, ameen.
And Allah ta’ala knows best.
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai