Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My girlfriend and I love each other, and we are very weak for each other. We don’t want to sin, so we want to get married. But if we tell our parents, they will not allow us for our young age. Can we get married without telling them?
Answer
Brother, thank you for your question. It is challenging, indeed, when you have already taken the liberty of having a girlfriend to set limits.
Tawba
First, you must repent for your actions. Physical closeness and emotional attachment to a girl are not permissible outside marriage in Islamic law (shari’a). You must resolve to end the relationship for good or make it permissible. It would be best to put Allah Most High first, not your lust.
Marrying in Secret
This is, generally speaking, always a bad idea. One’s parents deserve more respect, and a father has a right to give away his daughter publicly with honor and dignity.
You must control your desires and decide whether to do the right or wrong. It will affect the girl’s future more seriously than yours since women tend to be more easily labeled, especially if they become pregnant. Please be wise in your decision. A man is a leader to his wife and children. Please don’t start your family by leading her the wrong way. Be an example of forbearance and wisdom.
Talk to Your Parents
Please talk to them openly and honestly and pray for the best. I guarantee you that if this marriage were meant to happen, you would see the ease you never expected. Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance before you approach them.
Please see the following links for complete and detailed information about this topic:
Is It Valid to Marry in Secret?
Having to Wait for Nikah
Can We Get Married Without Involving Our Parents?
Can I marry without my parent’s consent and knowledge?
May Allah Most High guide you to the best marriage and give you pious descendants.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.