Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
I wanted to know, if, in one’s own wedding, others such as parents and other parties are planning for haram elements such as free mixing, music and dancing performances, what should one do? Should one not attend their own wedding? If they are not willing to compromise after being advised, what should one do? It is a really confusing situation.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. What you describe is not easy, and many a young religious man has been unable to convince his parents to make their wedding halal. I empathize with your frustration.
Communicate
You are responsible insofar as your communication since you don’t actually have control over this. Tell them how you are uncomfortable with these contraventions of the shari’ah, explain to them that these things are expensive and that you would rather the money be spent more usefully. Tell them that there are more blessings in simplicity and that you don’t want to set the wrong standard for others in the family. Tell them that your fiance’s side will get upset if you go over the top. Don’t lie, but get creative!
Follow-up
Skipping your own wedding seems impossible and could make matters worse, so I wouldn’t recommend that. If you cannot get them to agree, you should follow the shari’ah as best as you can, lower your gaze as only you are responsible for what you look at, make tawba afterward, and follow up your wedding with some good deeds, as your expression of turning to Allah. May Allah bless your union and give you the best of this world and the next.
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/mixed-gatherings-a-detailed-response-regarding-gender-interaction/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/the-fiqh-of-the-marriage-feast-walima/
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.