Question
I heard a hadith about when parents are angry with their child, then Allah is also angry with him, and when they are pleased with him, then Allah is pleased with him. Does this still apply if someone accidentally upsets their parents? Sometimes I make mistakes unknowingly, or my parents are in a bad mood and get angry at me. I usually feel miserable afterward, as I worry that Allah is upset with me, even though I never intended it.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being good for your parents and for doing your best not to upset them. You should continue as such, and place your reliance and hope in Allah’s mercy.
Hadith
The hadith that you mention is here: Ibn’ Abbas said, “If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him. “He was asked, “Even if they wrong him? “He replied, “Even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him, even if they wrong him. “[Albani]
Mistakes
A parent’s rank is a lofty rank, according to Allah, and one should certainly strive to be good to them in order to aid one’s hereafter and happiness in this life. However, we are all human and perfection is not expected of us. Unintentionally upsetting one’s parents is not necessarily sinful and one is definitely not responsible for their parents’ bad mood.
Do your best
Rather than focusing on your mistakes, if you really want to gain their pleasure, you should be observant and learn what disappoints them and avoid it. With time, and with Allah’s help, you will get better and better, and your parents will find fewer and fewer reasons to anger. Repent if you have intentionally harmed them, don’t repeat it, and intend to be good to them, for it will all come back to you on Judgment Day, by His grace. Don’t despair of Allah’s mercy, don’t be miserable, and continue on this path of sincerity and goodness.
The best advice that I can give you about understanding goodness to parents is here, by Shaykh Farid Dingle:
Being rude and heartless towards parents
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.