Nikah was delayed until graduation.
Question: I’m almost 20 years old and currently engaged to a great man who is 26 years old. We are both ready to start our lives together, but my parents don’t want a nikah (katb al-Kitab) for another few years until I graduate. I sat down with them multiple times and told them that it isn’t right to postpone marriage. My fiancé is financially stable, and he can provide for me while I study. He has a house for us and a great business. We don’t want to postpone any longer as it’s already almost been a year. We want to make this halal ASAP for the sake of Allah. Is there a way for us to do our nikah without my parents?
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration. A long engagement is not the right thing in Islam, and there is great wisdom and protection in following the sunnah of hastening a nikah.
Despite your frustrations, a secret marriage is never a good idea. It entails great disrespect to the parents, and many problems could arise during a secret marriage. What would you say if you got pregnant? What if he divorced you three times? Imagine explaining to your parents all of this happened before they knew you were even married.
Please see this answer for a full answer to your question:
I pray that you can find a way to cut down your communication with him and keep him at a distance. It will just make it harder if you are talking, texting, and meeting every day. Try to keep the conversation to what is necessary and keep it formal. This is the only way you will survive until you graduate.
Keep talking to your parents.
As for your parents, continually talk to them about allowing your nikah. They must understand that this is the best way to proceed. It will finalize the agreement to marry, and you can both start to get to know each other and get comfortable with one another. If you are already comfortable with him and know him well, you may have gone too far without a nikah already. One should always keep a respectful distance until a nikah is done.
Ask Allah to change your parents’ minds, for He has control over everything. Ask Allah to fulfill your need by praying the Prayer of Need and doing your best to fulfill your obligations to Him. Show Allah that you will make an effort to keep it halal, and ask Him to bestow ease in this matter for you. May Allah reward you for trying to keep it halal, and may you keep it halal even if it doesn’t go how you planned.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.