Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
My husband got secretly married to another wife and a few months later told me about it. He wanted to divorce me as his new wife asked him to, so he sent me to my father’s house. Now he doesn’t want to divorce me and wants to have both of us. His new wife still doesn’t approve of me. Whenever I ask him for my rights, he tells me to have patience and give him time so that Allah can soften his second wife’s heart, and she accepts me. What should I do since it’s been two years?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. Dear sister, I am so sorry that your husband is treating you in this despicable way and won’t stand up like a man.
Rights
Because he has taken your rights away from you, such as financial support and intimacy, you have valid grounds to ask for a divorce from him. You should consider this and pray istikhara on it until you have a clear feeling about it. You should speak to his family, the local imam, your family and request a meeting with third parties present, where you explain your side and ask him to choose between living with you equitably or leaving you altogether. Leaving you in limbo is absolutely heinous and sinful. Waiting for her heart to soften toward you is irrelevant, illogical, and cowardly; he should not let her have a say over your marriage.
Turn to Allah
The stress of this is enough to make you sick, and I pray that you take care of yourself first. Get healthy, physically, spiritually, and build up the courage to stand for your rights. Build your bond with Allah and His Messenger. Make your entire existence for Him. Allah sends to the believers only what they can endure, and He is with those who persevere and are patient. Supplicate to Allah to grant you relief and supplicate to Him in the depth of the night in your grief. Work on yourself in the meanwhile, acquire beneficial knowledge, apply it, and surround yourself with pious people who support and love you.
Supplication
Remember the rank of the supplication of the oppressed person. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.'” [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/i-no-longer-love-my-husband-after-he-married-a-second-wife/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/i-married-a-man-whose-first-wife-does-not-approve-do-i-divorce-him/
May Allah bless you and give you and your family the very best in this world and the next and send you the best solution.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.