Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am very depressed because I have been married for almost 30 years to my husband, and he has been impotent for 15 years. Because of this, even though he is a good man, I am not satisfied with him. We have no children. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Tribulation
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`As: Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “O `Abdullah! Have I not been formed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?” I said, “Yes, O Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace)!” He said, “Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them (the fast) at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.” [Bukhari]
Dear sister, I am so sorry that you have been suffering for so long. Your well-being matters to Allah, and you have suffered in silence for too long.
Prayer
I encourage you to wake up 15 minutes before the entry of Fajr, and perform the Prayer of Need. Strive to do this daily, if you can. Pour out your sorrow to Allah Most HIgh, who listens to all of your duas.
Help
Continue to support your husband as he consults his doctor. I strongly encourage both of you to seek more holistic help, such as a nutritionist, naturopath, and homeopath.
Marriage
I encourage you to perform The Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times about what to do about your marriage. Watch what Allah unfolds for you. For example, if He heals your husband, then that would be a sign for you to stay married to him. However, if your husband does not recover, then that could be a sign for you to leave.
The decision is yours. Your husband has been impotent for 15 years, and you have endured this for so long. Because he cannot satisfy you sexually, then you have valid grounds for divorce. However you have also described him as a good man, and I can only assume that you love him and value his companionship. I pray that Allah blesses you with a clear path forward.
Children
“Those who believe and do good works, for them is pardon and a rich provision.” [Qur’an, 22:50]
Your provision is already ordained for you. If Allah has written that you will remarry and have children, then that is already promised. If He has written that you will have a child with your current husband, then that will happen. If He has written something different, then that will come to pass. You have no control over your provision, and your responsibility is to respond well to the trials He has placed in your life.
I pray that Allah grants you clarity, and courage, and may He reward you abundantly for your beautiful patience.
Please see:
Reader on Infertility
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.