Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been married for over 20 years and have been a practicing Muslim. My husband on the other hand has been trying to practice and failing for many years. He is addicted to marijuana and smokes it once or twice a week and we argue over it. He doesn’t pray five times a day but he tries. Do I leave him or stay quiet and have patience, hoping he’ll change?
Answer
I empathize with your situation. Being married to someone with a substance abuse problem is frustrating because it impacts the whole family. May Allah guide him out of this.
Do his addiction and lack of prayers warrant getting a divorce? I don’t really know the answer to this. I can, however, tell you a story of two ladies that I know.
One lady is married to a rich, kind man who didn’t want to pray. She stayed with him and became more and more practicing herself, all the while, being kind to him and encouraging him to pray. She had children with him, and they grew up and got well-educated. Finally, about 30 years into the marriage, he started to pray sometimes, then more, and now he continues to slowly become more practicing. To this day, they have a happy marriage where she loves and respects him and still encourages him to practice.
Another lady I know was newly married to a man who didn’t pray. She became pregnant right away but decided to leave him during her pregnancy because he didn’t pray. She was well educated and raised her son on her own with her mom’s help. She eventually married someone very practicing and was very happy with him, and had more kids with him. Her older son ended up becoming practicing, re-connecting with his father and encouraging his father to pray. To this day, she is practicing the deen with her husband and children.
In both situations, the wife was able to remain practicing and still find happiness. I suggest that you pray Istikhara, and assess how it will impact you and your family. Also, assess the repercussions of staying in the marriage. Try to exhaust all attempts at reconciliation first. Go to therapy, and marital counseling, involving family and friends. Get advice from local scholars. Get professional help for your husband to conquer his abuse problem. Please see the following links for more information. Ask Allah Most High to guide you at every step.
Kindly check these links:
My Brother Has Started Doing Hard Drugs: What Do I Do?
How Can I Help My Brother Who Is Addicted to Drugs?
May Allah Most High give you both success and well-being.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Farz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.