Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
I have been married 2 and half years. The time spent with my husband was only 10 months, and most of it was arguments. My marriage broke down due to my mother and sister in-law. In the end my husband did not want anything to do with me. We have had no contact since the separation. When I left after a family meeting my husband made it clear in actions and words that our marriage was over. He did not actually say ”talaq”. My husband has made no attempt to make contact even though I have been in the hospital a couple of times. No one has said anything about divorce. I have mentioned it to my mum and she doesn’t want to talk about it and says to leave it to their side. My in-laws are playing ”Pakistani politics ”; they are waiting for my family to ask. I am 26 and want to marry again and settle down but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to dishonor my parents as they have been through a lot with my marriage but I also see that life is so precious . Please guide me. I have also heard that a separation of 1 year means that you are divorced.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
Dear questioner,
First and foremost, you need to contact a reliable local scholar about your situation. Marriage is something that our religion takes very seriously. In order to know where you and your husband stand and how to proceed, you and your husband need to go to a scholar.
From what I understand, your husband doesn’t have to use the actual word “talaq” in order to effect a divorce. He can use other terms that convey the same meaning to effect a divorce.
I don’t know that being separated for one year means that you are divorced. What a scholar would have to determine here is how many counts of divorce your husband issued and when your waiting period (idda) began and ended.
Your mother’s advice to just sit and wait for your husband’s side to resolve this may not be the best advice. Right now, you are in a sort of legal limbo and need to initiate something so this can go forward. Your family shouldn’t have to ask for a divorce since technically your husband has already indicated at least one count of divorce. Furthermore, the pronouncement of divorce is largely regarded as the man’s right rather than the woman’s.
Please attempt to contact your husband so that this issue can be resolved Islamically with a neutral third party.
And Allah alone gives success. And Allah knows best.
Umm Salah