Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
My husband and I got married over 2 years ago. At the time, I was involved in certain Islamic activities outside work, including a regular class with my sheikh. I explained the importance of my sheikh in my life, of my Islamic learning and my activities. My husband at the time even asked me if I wanted to become a scholar, although he felt the extra activities would probably not be compatible with marriage and work. He said he was marrying me for my deen and respected the fact I had been around good company. After marriage, I have given up any formal involvement with those activities for his pleasure as I now have significant responsibilities at home, am working and have a young child, too. Although I wish he’d be more supportive of good works, time permitting, I can bear this and he does on occasion allow me to help out with certain activities. However, my prime concern is my Islamic learning and interaction with practicing muslims. I will be taking some time off work soon, insha Allah, and will subsequently cut down to just 3 days a week. I did this to spend more time with my baby but also to make more time for my own self-development. My husband works quite long hours during the week. Everytime I suggest some form of Islamic activity, he tells me that my responsibility is to him and the baby, that there are many obligations and we cannot fulfil them all, that this will compromise him, etc. I can’t put my finger on why he is being obstructive. I know I can legally seek knowledge without telling him, but I do not wish to resort to this…
Assalamu alaikum,
I pray this message finds you well.
Legally, your husband can restrict you from leaving the house. However, he is not allowed to restrict you from learning knowledge that is personally obligatory. If the only way for you to learn what is personally obligatory means leaving the house to attend classes, then your husband should permit this. If he won’t, then he should allow you to have classes in your home.
It is important that husbands be aware of, and appreciate, the importance of the wife’s spiritual and intellectual life. As Ustadha Hedaya Hartford writes, “The husband should provide the means for his wife to learn, apply her knowledge and grow in her faith and nearness to Allah Most High” (Ustadha Hedaya Hartford, Initiating and Upholding an Islamic Marriage).
Normally, it is both impractical and unfair for a man to expect his wife to stay at home 24/7, especially in Western societies, where women have an active and public presence. The Muslim wife is still bound by the parameters of the Shariah, but she should still have access to education, employment, and good companionship.
It is important for you and your husband to sit down and discuss how you can balance between your duties as a wife and mother and your responsibility to seek to personally obligatory knowledge.
Finally, personally obligatory knowledge includes learning about purification, prayer, women’s fiqh, tajwid, and anything necessary to make your worship and relations sound and proper.
And Allah knows best.