Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
I have done a lot of wrong things with a girl I love and she loves me, what should I do because we have gotten too close and have been intimate?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessings of Allah descend on the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his companions, and those who follow them with sincerity.
Alhamdulillah, you have taken the first step in correcting the situation by acknowledging that your conduct was wrong.
Allah, the Exalted, says in the Quran, “Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (39:53)
And in a Hadith Qudsi: On the authority of Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, say:
Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.
There are numerous other verses from the Quran and traditions of the Prophet, which speak to Allah’s forgiveness. What you must bear in mind is that there is a prerequisite for seeking Allah’s forgiveness, and that is to make taubah, or repentance. There are three steps.
First, you must leave the sin.
Second, you should regret having done it, which you obviously do.
Third, you should resolve never to commit this sin again.
Finally, you should seek Allah’s forgiveness. And since this sin involves the rights of another human being, the girl you are close to, you should also seek her forgiveness. In turn, you should urge her to make taubah and seek Allah’s forgiveness.
If you and your friend care for each other as Muslims, you owe it to each other to pursue your relationship in a halal, or lawful, manner. You should stop seeing each other immediately; otherwise you will be tempted to repeat the past. Remember, that this is your afterlife at stake, as well as this worldly life. If you truly care, you will do what is right, although it may hurt. When a man and a woman are intimate outside of marriage, there are consequences for this relationship. First, you are transgressing each other’s right as a Muslim to have a halal relationship, i.e., marriage. Second, you may be involving the life of an innocent human being, if a child results from this relationship. And, third, you are causing heartache for both each other and your families, should this matter be revealed.
The next step to take, after stopping this relationship, is to pursue the right way, and that is marriage. If you both love each other, you will want what is best for each other. There is no blessing in something that is illicit, but, Allah willing, if you pursue the halal way, Allah will give you success.
Visit the girl’s father, or guardian, and present your case for marriage. Talk to your family and stress the importance of your getting married and having the peace of mind of following the Sunna.
May Allah forgive your sins and make it easy for you to do what is right.
And Allah knows best.