Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: During my childhood I was a good person. I am now 25 years old and addicted to sex. To make things worse I struggle with financial issues and learning difficulties. I can’t even get married. I want to obey Allah. Will He ever forgive me?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well.
Hope
Allah says in the Quran, “Say: Oh my slaves who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins.” [Qur’an, 39:53]
“And those who, when they do an evil thing or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins – Who forgives sins save Allah only? – and will not knowingly repeat (the wrong) they did.” [Ali Imran: 135]
“Ask your Lord for forgiveness and then turn in repentance to Him.” [Hud: 3]
Do not despair – your desire to repent is already a sign of Allah’s love for you. The only human beings protected from sin are Prophets (may Allah’s blessings and peace be upon all of them). Everyone else on this planet struggles with some form of sin or another. For as long as you are alive, the doors of forgiveness are open to you. Ours is a religion of hope.
Repentance
The conditions of a valid repentance are as follows:
a. One leaves the sin,
b. One feels remorse for the action committed,
c. One resolves to not return to it, and
d. One pays back or returns what one owes if the sin involves the rights of others.
[Nawawi, Riyad al-Salihin]
I strongly recommend that you come up with and commit to a plan of action to help you overcome your sexual addiction. Here are some suggestions:
-Pray Salatul Hajat and ask Allah for the strength to give up your addiction, for the ability to marry, for ease in your finances and education, and whatever else troubles you.
-Find a new circle of God-fearing friends whom you can spend time with when you get lonely.
-Find a psychologist who specialises in sexual addiction, who respects your faith.
-Read Surah Al-Waqiah to increase your rizq, and encourage your parents to do the same.
-Give a small amount of sadaqah and ask Allah for whatever you wish (forgiveness, the ability to get married, etc)
-Incorporate more sunnah fasts into your life to help you manage your libido, starting with Monday and Thursday fasts.
-Cut down on and eventually eliminate all sources of vice that increase your desire (e.g. unlawful magazines, internet pornography etc)
-Look into the lawfulness of your food and your income. It is easier to leave sin and do good when one’s livelihood and food are halal.
-Reduce your meat consumption and eat more cooling foods.
-Expend your energy through regular exercise and volunteer activities (e.g. soup kitchen etc)
Marriage
In addition to praying Salatul Hajat for a righteous and loving wife, you can recite “Our Lord! Grant unto us mates and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” [Qur’an, 25:74]
Prepare yourself for marriage by completing this course on SeekersGuidance – Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. This class will reopen on January 2nd 2016, inshaAllah.
Tawakkul
“And put your trust in Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as a Wakil (Trustee, or Disposer of affairs).” [Quran, 33:3]
One of my teachers shared a gem which I want to share with you. Sometimes, a great sin can cause a person to repent and become closer to Allah than ever before. So this sin ends up being a means of tremendous good. On the other hand, those who find it easy to pray in the masjid and keep away from sin, can be tested by the presence of arrogance in their hearts. Dying in that state is a terrible way to meet Allah.
Have hope in Allah. By nature, humanity is weak. We all sin and make mistakes. Our strength is only through Allah Most High.
I pray that one day soon, through Allah’s Divine Concern and Enabling Grace, you will find yourself in a happy marriage, and far, far away from your current anguish. Trust that Allah can make anything possible, do your utmost to repent, and leave the outcome to Him.
Wassalam,
Raidah
Please refer to the related links:
Chapter on Repentance
Did Allah Deny Me A Job Because Of My Sin?
How Do Students With No Money Deal With Sexual Urges?
Forgiving Major Sins and the Hadith of the Prostitute Who Gives Water to the Thirsty Dog
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani