IslamQA.org Logo

Seeing A Potential Spouse Before Marriage

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Darulifta Azaadville

Question:

My parents are currently looking for a suitable spouse for me, many of the boys would first like to sit and talk before proceeding.

can you please outline in detail the laws Islam has laid out for us when going to see a potential spouse.

Answer:

If a person is interested in getting married then it is permissible, rather recommended, to look at a potential spouse prior to the marriage.

Consider the following Ahaadeeth:

عَنْ أَبِي، هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ كُنْتُ عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَأَتَاهُ رَجُلٌ فَأَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّهُ تَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ فَقَالَ لَهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ أَنَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ لاَ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏”‏ فَاذْهَبْ فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّ فِي أَعْيُنِ الأَنْصَارِ شَيْئًا ‏”‏ ‏.

Abu Huraira Radhiallahu Anhu reported: I was in the company of Rasulullah when there came a man who informed him that he intends marrying a woman of the Ansaar. Upon that Rasulullah  said: Have you taken a glance at her? He said: No. He said: Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar. (Muslim 1424) 

عَنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ، أَنَّهُ خَطَبَ امْرَأَةً فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا ‏”‏ ‏.

Bakr bin Abdullah Al-Muzani narrated that: Mughirah bin Shu’bah Radhiallahu Anhu proposed to a woman, so Rasulullah said: “Look at her, for indeed that is more likely for there to be affection between the two of you.” (Tirmidhi-1087) 

عن جابر بنِ عبد الله، قال: قالَ رسولُ الله – صلَّى الله عليه وسلم -: “إذا خَطَبَ أحَدُكُم المرأةَ، فإن استطاعَ أن يَنْظُرَ إلى ما يَدْعُوهُ إلى نِكَاحها فَلْيفعَل”.

Translation; Rasulullah said: When one of you asks a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, then he should do so. (Sunan-Abi Dawood – 2082) 

Looking does not refer to the arranging of a formal gathering in which the two will sit in privacy in one room and then look at each other. Rather, looking refers to an informal glance which is done with the least amount of discomfort and awkwardness This could be achieved by means of a quick glance when she passes by in front of him.

Since the woman will be in the presence of a Ghayr Mahram man, her male Mahram should be present, the purpose of the Mahrams presence is to avoid her being alone with a Ghayr Mahram.

The common current practice of speaking to one’s future potential spouse at the time of going to see her is a practice which is not found in the Holy Quraan, Ahaadeeth or the Fiqh books and it also violates the general Shar’ie ruling of the prohibition for a man to speak to a strange woman. The only exception to this rule is at the time of a need or necessity. In the case where a man goes to see a woman for a potential future wife, there is no necessity for him to speak to her. Hence it will be impermissible.

If one really wishes to know of the other person’s characteristics, traits, lifestyle and habits, then he/she should enquire from other permissible avenues. The most effective method of ascertaining the character and lifestyle of a prospective spouse is through their relatives and other associates. They should thereafter make Istikhaara (two Rak’aats Salaah, followed by a Du’aa beseeching Allah Ta’aala to give guidance in the matter).

 

If after both the parties make Istikharah, they decide to go ahead with the Nikaah, then they should do so as soon as possible without any unnecessary delay. Rasulullah said to Hadhrat Ali Radhiyallahu-Anhu.

عن علي بن أبي طالب : أن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال له يا علي ثلاث لا تؤخرها الصلاة إذا آنت والجنازة إذا حضرت والأيم إذا وجدت لها كفؤا

Translation; Rasulullah said, “O ‘Alī, do not delay in  three [matters]: the prayer when its times enters, [the prayer on] the janāzah when it arrives, and [the marriage of a] single woman when an appropriate match is found. (Tirmidhi-1/320)

Checked and Approved By:

Mufti Muhammed Saeed Motara Saheb D.B.

وَلَوْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً فَلَا بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إلَيْهَا، وَإِنْ خَافَ أَنْ يَشْتَهِيَهَا لِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – لِلْمُغِيرَةِ بْنِ شُعْبَةَ حِينَ خَطَبَ امْرَأَةً «اُنْظُرْ إلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا» رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيُّ وَالنَّسَائِيُّ وَغَيْرُهُمَا وَلِأَنَّ الْمَقْصُودَ إقَامَةُ السُّنَّةِ لَا قَضَاءُ الشَّهْوَةِ….. وَهَلْ يَحِلُّ لَهَا أَنْ تَنْظُرَ لِلْخَاطِبِ مَعَ خَوْفِ الشَّهْوَةِ لَمْ أَرَهُ وَالظَّاهِرُ: نَعَمْ لِلِاشْتِرَاكِ فِي الْعِلَّةِ الْمَذْكُورَةِ فِي الْحَدِيثِ السَّابِقِ، بَلْ هِيَ أَوْلَى مِنْهُ فِي ذَلِكَ لِأَنَّهُ يُمْكِنُهُ مُفَارَقَةُ مَنْ لَا يَرْضَاهَا بِخِلَافِهَا

)ج6ص370 – كتاب الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار – فصل في النظر والمس(

وَإِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَ امْرَأَةً فَلَا بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إلَيْهَا وَإِنْ خَافَ أَنْ يَشْتَهِيَ لِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – «اُنْظُرْ إلَيْهَا لِأَنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يَدُومَ بَيْنَكُمَا»

(ج8ص218 – كتاب البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق)

صاف صاف مطالبہ کرنا کہ مجھے دکھاؤ میں خود دیکھوں گا تو مناسب نہیں۔ ہاں کہیں موقع مل جاۓ چھپ چھپا کر دیکھنے میں مضائقہ نہیں

(ج16  ص 43    –      فتاوى محمودية) 

قال الشوكاني (2): وفي أحاديث الباب دليل على أنه لا بأس بنظر الرجل إلى المرأة التي يريد أن يتزوجها، وإلى ذلك (3) ذهب جمهور العلماء…. وظاهر الأحاديث أنه يجوز له النظر إليها سواء كان ذلك بإذنها أم لا

(ج7 ص653 بذل المجهود في حل سنن أبي داود )

وَلِلْعُلَمَاءِ خِلَافٌ فِي جَوَازِ النَّظَرِ إِلَى الْمَرْأَةِ الَّتِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَهَا، فَجَوَّزَهُ الْأَوْزَاعِيُّ وَالثَّوْرِيُّ وَأَبُو حَنِيفَةَ وَالشَّافِعِيُّ وَأَحْمَدُ وَإِسْحَاقُ – رَحِمَهُمُ اللَّهُ – مُطْلَقًا، أَذِنَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ أَمْ لَمْ تَأْذَنْ، لِحَدِيثَيْ جَابِرٍ وَالْمُغِيرَةِ الْمَذْكُورِينَ فِي أَوَّلِ الْحِسَانِ، وَجَوَّزَهُ مَالِكٌ بِإِذْنِهَا، وَرُوِيَ عَنْهُ الْمَنْعُ مُطْلَقًا.

(ج5ص2050 – كتاب مرقاة المفاتيح شرح مشكاة المصابيح – باب النظر)

الخلوة بالاجنبية حرام

)ج6 ص368 -الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين(

ولايكلم الأجنبية

ج6 ص369 –كتاب الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين))

غیر محرمہ عورتوں سے بقدر ضرورت بات کرنا جائز ہے ، بلاضرورت جائز نہیں

(ج6ص40  -أحسن الفتاوى)

This answer was collected from the official Ifta website of Darul Uloom Azaadville, South Africa. Most of the answers are checked and approved by Mufti Muhammed Saeed Motara Saheb D.B.

Find more answers indexed from: Darulifta Azaadville
Read more answers with similar topics:
Search
Related QA

Pin It on Pinterest