Home » Hanafi Fiqh » Askimam.org » Relationship with girl who I want to marry.

Relationship with girl who I want to marry.

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I’ll make it quick. I’m in a dilemma. when you read this, you might feel this like an ordinary question.. but I need guidance. Please answer.

There’s this girl who came from America. She was born muslim but her life in a Christian residential school made her like a Christian. So her parents decided to bring her back to India so that she could keep up her deen. she came here and made some issues and she got expelled from school due to that. An year later, she met me. And she said that she have a crush on me.  Well, I was not interested in all that. She was a girl who didn’t wore hijab.. and all. But we became friends.. and I talked her into good  (I suppose). She now wears hijab and all.. prays 5 times.. and even wake me up (call me on the phone) for tehajjud.. and as time passed by.. we fell in love.. and I know it’s haram. She always reminds me that she got to know allah through me and she’ll be always great full to me for that.. and we fell deeply for each other. 

I wish to marry her.. but it’ll take me atleast 6 years as am just 18 now. I know all these relationships are haram. I told her that.. and by that time, she had get to know islam. She told me that “both of us should do isthikara” and so we did.. we didn’t get anything that tells us to back off.. instead we got closer..

What should I do? Im a guy with posseiveness.. and she knows that.. sheve felt it.. but all she demands is ” I will bear anything.. I just want to be with you in heaven.. I dont care about duny”

What should I do? :/

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.  

First and foremost, it is important to understand that premarital relationships are condemned in Shari’ah and invoke the anger of Allah Ta’ālā. It is imperative that you ask the forgiveness of Allah Ta’ātā and discontinue having any contact with this girl. Simply because she has come closer to Islam through you does not mean that you should lead her into another harām act by continuously keeping contact with her. Doing so will be detrimental to both your spirituality and hers and it will have a long lasting negative impact on your Īmān.

The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ is reported to have said:

كُتِبَ عَلَى ابْنِ آدَمَ نَصِيبُهُ مِنَ الزِّنَا، مُدْرِكٌ ذَلِكَ لَا مَحَالَةَ، فَالْعَيْنَانِ زِنَاهُمَا النَّظَرُ، وَالْأُذُنَانِ زِنَاهُمَا الِاسْتِمَاعُ، وَاللِّسَانُ زِنَاهُ الْكَلَامُ، وَالْيَدُ زِنَاهَا الْبَطْشُ، وَالرِّجْلُ زِنَاهَا الْخُطَا، وَالْقَلْبُ يَهْوَى وَيَتَمَنَّى، وَيُصَدِّقُ ذَلِكَ الْفَرْجُ وَيُكَذِّبُهُ

Allah has written for the children of Adam their share of zina which he commits inevitably. The zina of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the zina of the ears is to hear, the zina of the tongue is the talk, the zina of the hands is to touch (that which is forbidden), the zina of the feet is to take steps (towards that which is forbidden) and the heart wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it.[1]

We are unable to understand why you feel that you have to wait 6 years before marriage. Is it due to financial constraints, family pressure, or some other factor? Furthermore, after performing istikhārah and achieving positive results, if you truly desire to marry this girl and save yourself from committing further harām through an illegal relationship, you should contact your seniors (such as your parents) and kindly explain to them in a mature manner how you feel about the situation. If your parents are unwilling to listen to you, you should involve another party who holds influence over your parents such as your local Imam or your grandparents. After gaining their approval, you may have your family approach her family and formally make a proposal for Nikāh.

In any case, you should cease having any relationship with this girl until you are able to formally perform a Nikāh with her.

We also advise you to make abundant du`ā that Allāh Ta`āla makes your situation easy for you and guides you towards whatever is more beneficial for your ākhirah.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Bilal Mohammad

Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

www.daruliftaa.net


[1] Sahīh Muslim, Book of al-Qadr (Fate), vol. 4,  pg. 2047, Dar Ihyā at-Turāth

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

Read answers with similar topics: