My husband has lost his father. he is of 4 siblings. The responsibility is put upon him, with his (my husbands) consent & permission, that his mother stays with us.
I am most stressed out regarding this.
I would like to know of what is my rights and responsibility in this situation and also with regards to his mother.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Your husband has suffered the loss of his father and is now fulfilling his responsibility of caring for his mother. His concern for his mother’s welfare and wanting her to live with him now that she has lost her husband is only natural.
At the same time, we acknowledge that this will be a big change for you since you are not used to having her in your home. The uncertainty of what’s to come is causing you a lot of stress. This is very harmful for your health and must be addressed right away. We advise you to make dua to Allah to relieve you of your stress and worry.
Read the following dua once in the morning and once in the evening:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ
وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ، وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ، وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ
O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, and I take refuge in You from weakness and laziness, and I take refuge in You from miserliness and cowardice, and I take refuge in You from the burden of debts and from being over powered by men.
These are mubarak (blessed) words uttered from the lips of Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) who taught them to Abu Umamah (radiyallahu anhu), a companion who was feeling anxiety and had a lot of debts. He was advised to read it once in the morning and once in the evening and when he did so, his anxiety went away and his debts were paid off. [i]
You have also asked about your rights and responsibilities regarding yourself and your mother-in-law.
Since this is your home you have the right to continue to run the household as you have previously done so. However, we must emphasize that one should not look at rights and responsibilities too rigidly. Flexibility is the key to maintaining a happy relationship. So, if the mother-in-law makes a suggestion, you will be rewarded for accommodating her wherever you can.
You also have the right to your privacy, rest and the time you need to fulfill all your duties towards your husband and children.
As far as your responsibilities are concerned you should be supportive of your husband and help him by welcoming your mother-in-law. This will give your husband a lot of comfort and ease. He will Insha-Allah appreciate your kind, supporting words and respect you all the more for it.
Allah says that:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”
Surah Ar-Rum, 21
Secondly, Islam encourages us to be kind and respectful of our elders. Therefore, be kind and pleasant towards her keeping in mind the loss she has suffered. Make her feel comfortable in your home. Surely, the move from being independent to the daughter-in-law’s home is a big change for her as well.
Take things one day at a time and take out time for all your needs as well. Do not get overwhelmed. Make it a practice to recite Tasbeeh Fatimah every night. When Fatimah (radiyallahu anha) told Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) about the fatigue she felt from all the manual labor she had to do, he (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) advised her to read Subhan-Allah 33 times, Alhamdulilah 33 times, and Allahu Akbar 34 times before sleeping and he (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “…this is better for you than a servant.” [ii]
Explaining this hadith, the scholars have written that Allah in His Infinite Mercy through the blessings of this dhikr either gives the person strength to do more work than any khadim could do or makes the work easy for that person. [iii]
Do not let your mind wander off into what will happen and how it will happen. Keep doing your best and hope for the best. Allah will make things easy for you, Insha-Allah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Sohail ibn Arif,
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
دخل رسول اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ذات يوم المسجد فإذا هو برجل من الأنصار يقال له أبو أمامة فقال يا [i]
أبًا أمامة ما لي أراك جالسا في المسجد في غير وقت الصلاة قال هموم لزمتني وديون يا رسول اللهِ قال أفلا أعلمك كلاما إذا أنت قلته أذهب الله عز وجل همك وقضى عنك دينك قال قلت بلى يا رسول اللهِ قال قل إذا أصبحت وإذا أمسيت اللهم إني أعوذ بك من الهم والحزن وأعوذ بك من العجز والكسل وأعوذ بك من الجبن والبخل وأعوذ بك من غلبة الدين وقهر الرجال قال ففعلت ذلك فأذهب الله عز وجل همي وقضى عني ديني
سنن أبي داود الرقم: ١٥٥٥
أنَّ فاطمةَ عليها السلامُ أتَتْ النبيَّ صلَّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلَّمَ تشكو إليهِ ما تلْقى في يدِهَا من الرَّحَى ، وبَلَغَهُ أنَّهُ جاءَهُ [ii]
رقيقٌ ، فلَمْ تصَادِفْهُ ، فَذَكَرتْ ذلكَ لعائِشَةَ ، فلمَّا جاءَ أخبَرَتْهُ عائشةُ ، قالَ : ( فجاءَنَا وقد أخذْنَا مضَاجِعِنَا ، فذهبْنَا نقُومُ ، فقالَ : ( على مكَانِكُمَا ) . فجاءَ فقَعَدَ بيني وبينَها حتَّى وجَدتُ بردَ قدميْهِ على بطْنِي ، فقالَ : ألا أدُلُكُمَا على خيرٍ ممَّا سأَلْتُمَا ؟ إذا أخَذْتُمَا مضَاجِعِكُما ، أوْ أوَيتُما إلى فِرَاشِكُما ، فسبحَا ثلاثًا وثلاثينَ ، واحْمَدا ثلاثًا وثلاثينَ ، وكبِّرا أربعًا وثلاثينَ ، فهوَ خيرٌ لكما من خادمٍ
صحيح البخاري، الرقم: ٥٣٦١
قيل: لَا شكّ أَن للتسبيح وَنَحْوه ثَوابًا عَظِيما، لَكِن كَيفَ يكون خيرا بِالنِّسْبَةِ إِلَى مطلوبها وَهُوَ الإستخدام؟ [iii]
وَأجِيب: لَعَلَّ الله تَعَالَى يُعْطي للمسبّح قُوَّة يقدر بهَا على الْخدمَة أَكثر مِمَّا يقدر الْخَادِم عَلَيْهِ، أَو يسهل الْأُمُور عَلَيْهِ بِحَيْثُ يكون فعل ذَلِك بِنَفسِهِ أسهل عَلَيْهِ من أَمر الْخَادِم بذلك
عمدة القاري،