Salam alaykum
I am a reconvert to Islam from Europe. I currently visit my parents on a regular basis once in two months, where I stay a complete week-end and then leave again.
They are not willing to adapt themselves to my Islamic requirements so these week-ends most often turn out to be days of compromise in deen which makes me feel angry because I eat (althought vegetarian or fish based) doubtful food because their kitchen is still infested with pork and alcohol. They do serve alcohol while I sit at the table and I can even smell it in the air which I find is an insult to me.
Is it permissible for me to sit and eat at a table with my parents where haram (e.g. alcohol) is served?
(I do not consume the haram, but my parents don’t want to stop it for me at least a week-end.)
If it is not permissible then will I be allowed to stop my relationship completely with them as they are not willing to accept my Islamic conditions?
What is the correct approach to this problem?
I feel that eating doubtful food will hinder my spiritual progress constantly and I often feel bad when coming back from these week-ends.
Sometimes I hate my parents and my situation because I have to compromise my deen just in order to keep relations with them.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Islam exhorts one to be kind and dutiful to his parents even if they are disbelievers. Allah Ta’ala says,
واعبدوا الله ولا تشركوا به شيئا وبالوالدين إحسانا
“Worship Allah, do not associate any partners with him and be kind to your parents.”
ووصينا الإنسان بوالديه حسنا
“We admonish men to be kind to his parents.”
However, the obedience of Allah and his Messenger صلي الله عليه وسلم takes preference over the obedience of one’s parents. Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم has said,
عن النبي صلى الله عليه و سلم قال : ( لا طاعة لبشر في معصية الله جل وعلا ((أخرجه ابن حبان في صحيحه – (10 / 430(
“There is no obedience for any human if it entails the disobedience of Allah.”
Allah Ta’ala has said,
قل إن كان آباؤكم وأبنآؤكم وإخوانكم وأزواجكم وعشيرتكم وأموال اقترفتموها وتجارة تخشون كسادها ومساكن ترضونها أحب إليكم من الله ورسوله وجهاد في سبيله فتربصوا حتى يأتي الله بأمره والله لا يهدي القوم الفاسقين
“Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the dwellings in which you delight are dearer to you than Allaah and His Messenger, and striving hard and fighting in His Cause, then wait until Allaah brings about His Decision (torment). And Allaah guides not the people who are Al-Fasiqoon (the rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)” [al-Tawbah 9:24]
Furthermore, by continuing your good relationship with your parents, there is a great possibility that this will lead to them accepting Islam. However, you also cannot compromise on the emphatic command of Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم where he said,
ومن كان يؤمن بالله واليوم الآخر فلا يجلس على مائدة يدار عليها الخمر (أخرجه الترمذي في سننه- (5 / 113)
“Whoever beliefs in Allah and the last day should not sit at that tablecloth upon which liquor is served.”(Tirmidhi 5/113)
In your situation, there does not seem to be any difficulty in practising on both of the commands of Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم concurrently, viz. respecting your parents and not eating at a table upon which alcohol is served. There is no need to compromise on any of the two. You could inform your parents that pork and alcohol is not permitted in Islam and that they should respect your beliefs. If they do not succumb, you can continue visiting them, but do not join them for meals. Perhaps you could rather take your own food or go to a halal restaurant. When they see your determination, they might then give in and start to adapt to your Islamic requirements.
And Allah knows best
Wassalaamu `alaykum
Ml. Ismail Moosa,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah