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Wishing to divorce wife but afraid of blackmailing from parents

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

as salaam alaykum shaykhs, i have an issue which is causing me great stress and making my life a misery. i have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 daughters with my wife. in the last 4 years the marrige has been nothing but a misery and has caused myself and my wife great stress. i have ruined my akhira by certain acts i have comitted during marrige due to frustration and unhappiness. i do not want to continue committing these extra marital sins, i have tod my parents i want to divorce my wife and my wife is aware of this also, but my wife wont divorce me for reputation purposes and my parents threaten to diosown me if i do get divorced. the end result of this is that im going mental and living a miserable life, ruining my akhira and ooking older than i am due to streess. i have tried everything to make the marrige work but it dont work. my sex life is really bad, i tried to teach my wife communication skills which failed. i wake up suicidal and angry, i used to go with jamaat and do dawah pray my salah etc, but now im not better than a kaffir. what can i do? how can i get divorced and are my parents opressing me by black mailing me?


In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.

Brother in Islaam,

We take note of the contents of your query. We sympathize with you and make du’aa that Allaah Ta’aala grants you the ability to overcome this predicament.

You state you have been married for six years and the last four years have been a misery. What is it that has caused this misery? Discuss the issue with your wife and see what can be done to save the marriage. Consider the negative effects of the divorce on your young daughters in case of divorce. If you wish to remarry to save yourself extra-marital affairs, then there is no need to divorce your wife. Shari’ah permits you to marry four wives at once. You should also consider the negative consequences of remarrying and the challenges that come along with that, especially in view of you being a father of two daughters.

It should not be that you act impulsively and put yourself in deeper waters. Your parents rebuke and their opposition to you in probably based on your best interest. If you are compelled, make istikhaarah and seek guidance of Allaah Ta’aala. Never make a big decision without seeking the guidance of Allaah Ta’aala.

We understand from your query that the cause your misery is the intimacy and communication. You should consider seeking counsel from an expert on the two issues you refer to.

And Allaah Ta’aala Knows Best.

Muajul I. Chowdhury

Student, Darul Iftaa

Astoria, New York, USA

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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