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Can a muslim girl leave her family and live alone witout bieng married, due to her family abusing her?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I am a female, & have a very bad relationship with my father. He treats me very badly. My father hates women, thus he hates me. He always curses me and calls me horrible names, such as ugly, pig, bitch, even whore. He has treated me this way ever since I was a child. He verbally abuses me day and night for no reason. I never have done anything to him to make him this way. He also constantly turns down anyone who comes to marry me, and has decided that I be the family’s maid for the rest of my life. He is a hate filled mean man. He even taught my brothers to treat me the same way. So at home my life is nothing but hell. I have about 4 men constantly making fun of me, and harrassing me, calling me awfull names and degrading me. I have sunk into very low depression, & given up on life. I also have had a mental break down because of them. My only escape is to move out of thier house. Will I be punished by allah if I choose to leave my family and run away to live on my own without them finding me? If I don’t leave they will continue to verbally abuse and break me down even more. They even call me names in front of people. I don’t do anything to them that causes them to treat me this way, they just like to degrade and disrespect me. Life has been like this for me for 25 years now. I AM ON THE VERGE OF SUISIDE. IT’S EITHER DEATH OR LEAVING THEM. PLEASE HELP ME AND REPLY TO MY QUESTION. May allah reward you for your time.

Answer

Jazakallah for writing to the institute. Please forgive me for the delay in responding to your problem.

Sister, according to what you tell us about the conditions which you are presently experiencing with your father and siblings, it is recommended that you go stay on your own. Just as much it is important that one should not oppress others, one should also not allow oneself to be oppressed. I do hope that you have tried to get family elders or learned elders to talk to your father and brothers previously. If they have done so and if your family has not taken heed, then it is best that you move out.

I do hope though that you have somewhere suitable and safe to go to so that you are not taken advantage. Nor should your imaan be put into jeopardy by going to stay with anyone who may try to influence you negatively. Do you have family members you can go and live with? If you do, I suggest very strongly that you stay with them. I mention this because I note you have said you wish to go some place where your father will not find you. If he or your brothers threaten you or attempt to harm you, then apply the law of the land to protect yourself. As Muslims, every one of us have a duty not to harm our fellow Muslims. This includes our blood relatives. If they fail to observe this rule, then it is permissible to take legal steps to protect oneself.

Do forgive all four of them for what they have subjected you to. It may hard for you but you need to give yourself a chance to start to heal and to get rid of the pain and hurt you have been experiencing. You will lift a mighty burden off your shoulders if you forgive them and start anew. You are Allah Ta’ala’s creation and need to be cherished. Please think of looking towards the future and obtain some skills which will help you to benefit the Ummah and yourself too. You tell me that you have become mentally ill. You have suffered stress over a long period of time so please do not be too harsh on yourself either.

You are precious to Allah Ta’ala so do not think of harming yourself just because four people do not have mercy in their hearts. Think of pleasing and obeying Allah Ta’ala in every way possible and you will find that His peace and mercy will descend upon you more and more each day. Try to keep the company of those who will help you to remain positive, support you and remind you of Allah Ta’ala.

Try to increase your nafl salaah, zikr, duas and recitation of the Quran. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, get onto your musssallah and beg your Creator for all your needs. Do try and occupy yourself with the zikr of Allah Ta’ala as much as you can as this will give you lots of comfort and peace. Do write again if you wish. May Allah Ta’ala guide you and protect you from harm, ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

1SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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