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My husband and I are married but we do not live together because his parents do not know that we are married…

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I hoping Inshallah you can help me. I?m not sure exactly where to begin, so please bear with me. I guess to start with, I have been married for about 2 and ½ years and the whole time I have had to live by myself. The problem is, my husband’s parents don’t know that we are married. You see, I?m a revert and they have had Bad Experiences in their own family’s with marrying reverts and it Not working out and the wife ends up leaving Islam and everything. So they are Extremely Scared, among other things. He hasn?t told them yet because he is waiting on them to come around. I mean they know who I am, but not that we are married. In the past 2 and ½ years, they have come quit a long way. Another thing is he is the only son, so that’s even harder too. He loves his parents deeply and doesn’t want to hurt them or for them to disown him. That’s about the just of it. So basically I would like to know are we doing Haram since I live by myself and know one knows about are marriage except a few friends???

Answer

Jazakallah for sending your query to the institute.

You most certainly are in a difficult situation. It cannot be easy for you since you are a relatively new Muslim and you most certainly needed to be able share and learn from fellow Muslim sisters. I do hope you are not very isolated seeing that you are ‘incognito’ so to speak. Are any of your family members Muslims? That would be a big help as you need support in more than one sense.

You ask if you are committing Haraam by being married secretly. If the marriage was conducted according to Islamic principles, then it is valid. Refer below ?How to perform Nikah?

I can undestand the dilemna you find yourself in at the moment. I just wonder how you have managed to cope thus far. Sister, your husband needs to have the courage of his convictions, he has to reveal to his parents that he is married to you. It is not healthy to carry on with this prolonged deception as both of you probably have to lie to them at some time or the other whilst you are in their company. You should also consider that if you fall pregnant, it will become more difficult to explain to them that you have been married for sometime. Your husband knew that he was an only son and that he loved his parents before he married you. He should have considered the repercussions of being disowned by them before he took this major step. However, in spite of this he married you so he has to do the right thing and reveal to his parents that he has made nikah already. They will most certainly be hurt and upset but he has to accept this as part of the ‘package’ of not confiding in them earlier.

You have to think about yourself too. As years go by you may feel emotionally isolated and have difficulty in coping with the secrecy. Both of you need to seriously discuss your future and once he decides to tell his parents, he has to remain firm in his promise and committment to you. They may try to talk him out of the marriage if considerations of caste, race etc are more important to them. Do you think you could get your local imaam to talk to them at the same time as your husband does?

May Allah Ta’ala guide both of you, ameen.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

1SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past tense and in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2).

It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses and the stipulated dowry. The witnesses must be two trustworthy and pious male Muslims who are not her ascendants e.g. father, grandfather or decendants e.g. son, grandson, etc.

The Mahr (dowry) is the woman’s right and should be stipulated prior to the marriage.

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This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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